Ok, so I have to leave early today and go to see the counselor for the initial visit. I am beyond nervous. What’s crazy is that I’m not so much nervous about meeting with the counselor as I am about the questions I am going to get about it when I get home after.

I’m going to talk to the counselor a lot about H. And I know for a FACT that he’s going to ask me if we talked about him. "What did you say? Tell me everything."

He’s interrogated me before and I’m REALLY nervous about it happening tonight. I’m afraid he’s not going to let me go to sleep tonight if I don’t tell him EVERYTHING. I’m afraid he’s going to pull that, "Tell me word-for-word what was said," crap and not let up until he’s satisfied. Which usually ends up in a HUGE fight and him breaking up with me, "We’re DONE! I’m DONE with you!" (But he wouldn’t leave when I tried to break up with him, so I know it’s all empty threats and bullshit.)

These kind of fights can last all fucking night long, I’m talking until morning. Which is another tactic, I think, of his because he KNOWS I have to get up early for work and I won’t miss work.

He HAS to make the fight last long enough to break me down. He has to break me down so that when the fight is over, I’m the one begging for forgiveness and he’s the one that’s going to ‘give me one more chance’ (no matter who is actually at fault) because he can’t just BREAK UP with me because he has nowhere to go and he knows it. But he also cannot be wrong. Ever. If he apologizes, if he is ever wrong, it’s because something I did prompted his behavior.

Used to be during these fights that he would take my car keys and tell me I’m not allowed to drive HIS vehicles any more so I have no way to get to work. That’s when all the vehicles were titled to him. I have my own vehicle now so that won’t work. But I’m afraid anyway.


  1. dbrady1023 14 years ago



    Wow seems like you have your hands full.  I sympathize with you..I am so sorry you have to deal with a man like that.  But let me ask you, why do u tell him you have an appt with the therapist?  Are you married to him?  I am only asking because maybe it just easier to keep something like this to yourself.  This is only an observation but he is controlling you and I suspect you know that tho.  Whether your married or not you do not need to subject yourself to someone who really doesn”t appreciate you, or realize what he has.  Or is an insecure controlling jerk.  I suggest you see the movie sleeping with the enemy with Julia Roberts.  Thats the first thing that came to mind when I read your blog!  You are better than this!  Why you would want to be with a man who purposely starts fights that keep you up when he knows you have to go to work, and because you have a good work ethic takes advantage of you bu knowing you will go no matter how tired you are!  Thats messed up..

    You deserve to have a loving,fulfilling life without all this stress!  Now, I am a person of faith so I am just going to say it, even if you”re not:  Your a child of the King!  He definately has a grand plan for you because your a mom.  You need to be around people who will encourage you and support you.  Do you have a circle of friends like that?  Now I realize you dont know me but this is just my observation and the fact that your blog made me mad that this man is doing this to you.  You have to get control of yourself and the household.  Does he help you with the household bills?  Because there are ways to deal with that also.  He has no right to make you so nervous and onn edge. 

    I hope my comments didn”t offend you but I am a person that has the gift of encouragement and discernment.  I always have.  Look at the big picture!

    Here if you need me,


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  2. WadeAlexander72 14 years ago

    God this guy is a jerk. I can”t stand him and I”m not even with him. You ever get the chance to leave this clown – take it. He doesn”t respect you, he never will and you”re better off alone than with a creep like him. Jerk.



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