So I have done the one thing that we all know that you should not do and that is stopping when things are going well. I did it and I could kick myself if it was possible. I started doing the things that my anxiety was stopping me from and I pulled away from this awsome group because I was doing what I thought was living. But I should have kept my commitment to the support that I was getting here and then I would not feel terrible horrible about myself right now for coming here and seeking that help and support that I had not to long ago. Maybe I got all big headed and over confident for the simple reason that I needed to learn that even when you feel better you still need to keep that connection with your support. That could be the reason. Last night was TERRIBLE for me. Things have been really bad with the anxiety but last night I just totally lost it and had the worst panic attack in weeks. In fact my friend across the street came over to check on me to see if I was fine and needed something. I felt so low at that moment, like I was the worst person on the planet. I was crying and pacing and talking like a crazed person and all the while she stood there looking at me like "when you are finished". After she left I sat at the computer with this website up and closed my eyes and cried. I think that was my real breaking point. I woke up this morning and changed my doctors around so that I can get into my primary doctor who will write me the script that I need to get back on my meds. So hopefully by the end of next week I will be back on the meds and with all of you supporting me back on the road to getting back..