I work all the live long day taking unemployment claims for the state in which I live, it's depressing and very needed in this bad economic times. In any given day I can talk to 45 or 50 people on the phone with a 10 minute average each. During these days.. well actually everyday I have two thoughts. Man I hate this, but glad and thankful I have a job and "MAN I HATE TALKING ON THE TELEPHONE!" It's gotten so bad, that yesterday I had a happy childhood feeling bubble up and burst forth from the depths of my brain in which it had been stored away and flood out into my body.
I am talking about excitement, I was literally "kid happy" and very excited yesterday.. and it came on very suddenly. I do not know why this particular feeling came up, it was not an especially good terrific day, in fact it was rather pedestrian. Starting with phone calls from people who yell at me because they have bills
(hello.. you aren't the only one out there unemployed and you would have been paid if you would have rather cared to follow the rules!!)
To the nasty notes I get from some unknown force from some other city far far far far away in my company that continuosly feels the need to send me nasty notes about what I DID WRONG!!!
Yestrdays selected note was how I had to watch my spelling of said notes that I add into the system. I spose I must watch that more carefully, but it's so hard not to add a "WTF" GUD or STFU in a note when talking about someone who has knowngly committed fraud against the state and has filed bankruptcy to skirt the laws. Maybe I spend too much time in chat, sue me…It's really not my fault that my brain has some strange fixation on spelling the word "good" as "gud" once in a while or my fingers typing "teh" instead of "the".
Last I checked, my resume did not contain the description of "Mr Spellcheck" anywhere in the title…sigh but I digress. SO's anyways, I arrive at the building in the morning, it is raining again, I run the stairs four floors up, not only because it is good excersize, but because I do not trust the elevators. I hate elevators, I always feel uneasy, like they are gonna eat me, or take hold on me and close the doors and treat me like one of James Bonds Martini's.. (shaken not stirred)
These elevators are old.. old old old TOO old.. when the building was buit way back in the sixties.. I believe the building was built around these elevators which were standing in that spot 100's of years before the town was even built. I bet if we looked hard enough, we could find a journal or diary of some man in 1875.. and in it he is constantly bitching and complaining about these same "demon boxes" screwing up his day and making it less sunshiney.
Ah well, in a nutshell, I take the stairs because I feel safer, and I have the oppurtunity to turn back and run away screaming at a moments notice.
intermission..You wanna cool creepy halloweeny thing to look at? There is this town not far from me called mineral wells.. and in it it has this abandoned hotel that was built in the 30's.. it has all the cool archetecture you would expect from a fancy spa of that time.. It used to advertise all over the world for people to come to the town and drink the mineral water and have cholonics and swim in the swimming pools and such. It has been abanodoned long ago.. but someone took it upon themselves to make a website to tell all about it.. and they even included a cool walkthru in which you can choose your path as you go through the old building.. even go into the elevator and take it up or down. They took pictures along the way to show your path.. I think the thing has 12 or 14 foors…heres a link..
(Don't drink the water if u ever go there, Im convinced thats why the citizens there are mostly unbalaced loons. all descendants of people who came to the spa long ago to cure what ails them.)
OK, to wrap up my ramblings.. this feeling I got.. this great exhaulted grand happy feeling I got yesterday. A feeling that I have not felt since I was a kid. It was the same feeling I used to get on the last day of school and I stepped off the bus and was FREE FREEEEEEEE… free to watch tv and ride my bike at breakneck speed thru forest 's along creeks and rivers. Running from the big people who had Dirt Bikes, of days spent eating milk duds and drinking Pepsi while standing in front of my best friends house talking and laffing not a care in the entire world..then going in to play atari.
Not a care in the world, Certainly not going back to school again, for that was months and months and what seemed like years away from June….ahhhhhh happy memories and feelings. What illicited these feelings that I have not felt in years, you may ask?
It was 5:00 p.m. when i logged out of my phone, and ran down those stairs, of course…haven't felt that feeling of excitement in years. I came home and sat in silence save for a fan blowing in the distance for the next six hours….peace… let my mind rest.
Unfortunately, another childhood unhappy memory resurfaced as well not just a few hours later. It was the feeling I used to get when I had my first day of school after summer vacation..I got it the next morning at 7:00 a.m. when my alarm went off…
I had to get up and go to work again, and face another day of 50 phone calls, its a wonder my anxiety has not come back, it was in one of these enviorments that exacerabted my anxiety and panic attacks in the first place in 2002.
Sigh.. I need a vacation or too win the lottery