Well today (yesterday now, it's 04:14) was a funny old day – when I got up, rather late, I felt terrific, but as the day progressed, so did my anxiety levels rise and my pain in both knees and back got steadily worse despite the favourable climate.

I restricted my medication to 160mg OxyContin, 350mg carisoprodol and 2mg each of Xanax (alprazolam) and Rivotril (clonazepam). That's not bad for me. Quite low in fact. The anxiolytics were all taken after 15:00, which shows how I managed the greater part of the day med-free.

God, I hate this illness. For those who haven't read my profile, I've been suffering the anxiety and panic disorder for over 30 years now, and have only recently found anywhere I can share with people in the same position as i'm in. Thanks, Tribe! This is such a good, warm place to be. I also discovered a place called Benzo Island, but they are all really hard-core anti-BZD fanatics. In fact I have read posts there suggesting someone just stop taking their alprazolam… don't they realise that suddenly stopping a medicine like that can actually be life-threatening? Yet that's the impression I got there.

I'm just taking things (cliche time) one day at a time, but always hoping that today is going to be better than yesterday. One thing I must say is that I'm so much better now than i was even a year ago. Something is working. Browsing this site is very heartening when I come across good, happy, successful stories and situations. YOUR good days and YOUR help and suggestions are of amazing help to me. I think I am happier to have found this place than any other place on the net, including the Harry Potter site, Mugglenet!

Well I'll leave it at that for tonight and get some Zzzzzzzzs. Hopefully. I'm certainly tired enough to go off to sleep quite quickly. Without having to resort to my flunitraz or midazolam. Which are reserved for the worst of my insomniac periods. I am sure that they are anxiety-related. So may I bid you all the best of nights, and an anxiety-free morning!

No moans, Gaucho.


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