I got my job offer a couple of weeks ago. Not exactly the offer I was hoping to get, in terms of tenure and pay, but the job is mine. It will be a great opportunity to gain the experience and confidence I need to eventually shoot for a tenure-track position–whether the higher-ups finally approve putting this one back on the tenure-track or if I need to move on. My resume will be pumped.

I will be getting a $10,000 raise. Which sounds great when you say it like that, but I’m still not making enough to leave my husband and support myself and my son–not unless I want to live with a roommate. The only person who comes to mind clashes with the environment I want my son living in. My husband would have a field day trying to paint me as an unfit mother, just from associating our kid with someone who went to jail a decade ago. Besides, this person likes inviting people who are down on their luck to move in. I was one of those down-on-their-luck people a very long time ago–but I’ve never been an alcoholic or drug addict, and I don’t steal, so I’m not sorry to say that shit won’t fly in my home. Not with kids in the picture.

That’s not even addressing the fact that she screams and swears all the time–at her three disgusting little dogs who are poorly house-trained, at her kid (who’s actually a great kid), at anything that incenses her. She doesn’t scream at me and never has in the history of our friendship, but that’s because I’ve always been the “chill one”. I am NOT chill when it comes to my son’s comfort. He’s autistic and sound sensitive. He’d be scared and stressed all the time living with her.

So, if I’m going to move out, I’ll need a small place for just my son and me. Ideally, I’d be the custodial parent, but I don’t see my husband going for that. He’d fight for 50%, for the sake of appearances. And if he can grow up and separate his anger for me from his parenting decisions, I’d accept that. But, then again, if he could do that, I probably wouldn’t be seeking divorce, so… My ideal situation would be for DH to continue to pick him up after school, until I get out of work and can pick him up–sometimes dinner with me, sometimes with his dad. I’d keep him overnight on weekdays since I get him ready for school in the mornings. Every other weekend with his dad. They’d still see each other daily. Sounds reasonable, sounds fair. DH will fight it just because he’ll invent some reason why it *makes him look bad*.

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Even if we divorce, I suspect he’ll continue making me miserable.

Anyway, I am very excited for this new role at work. My career advancement has been a long work in progress. And the real kicker: I care about the work I do (mostly). Let’s face it, sometimes working in academia comes with pointless bureaucratic dog-and-pony shows bred purely on overthinking and overcomplicating shit. Comes with the territory, I guess.

But this girl, right here? Come August, this high school dropout is a Visiting Associate Professor of…not saying.