Today was busy yet emotional day.

My Ocd took the time to ease down on me a bit. Later while I kept myself busy and distracted I felt my ocd in the back seat of my mind getting ready to play a roll of film coming over me slowly. The intrusive thoughts are like a group of monsters barging in rudely trying to make me miserable which in fact they did for a little while.

I'm afraid to talk about the kind of intrusive thoughts I have. I hate feeling not being in control. Because not being in control only means loosing it all. So being in control of my ocd for me is being productive through out the day. It helps!

I'm not ready yes! I'm not ready to voice what they are. I'm ashamed of them because they make me feel bad and make me feel like a monster. I dream to have my life back. When I feel afraidI take myself to a safe place and imagine myself running through a field of lillies. It's nice sometimes!

I went to therapy today and it was good! Last week I went to see a new Psyciatrist and I mentioned the meds I took in the past that did not work. I am taking now Klonopin, it takes the edge off a bit and calms me down. I did not feel we clicked. She did not want to listen which was frustrating and rude. She wanted to prescribe Geodon if nothing else has worked.

And then said she see me in 8 weeks. And I then said what happens if I get really bad side affects and need to change my medicine. Her answer was go to the emergency room. I was turned off completely. I never bought them. Has anyone taken Geodon for OCD before. I read it's a rough horrible drug. True?

I guess that's it for tonight!

Cheers and a warm air hug across the sky to you all.

Magaly

1 Comment
  1. rainingoctober 9 years ago

    You are on the right track with being productive with your time. I try to fill my time with loved ones, music, movies, books, poetry, anything I can get my hands on, because it helps me to enjoy life. We are here for such a short time, and since we have OCD it's harder for us to accept the fact that our lives are short and fleeting… I don't know about you, but sometimes I wonder "Will I look back, at the end of my life, and see that all of my time on earth was spent worrying and being miserable, or did I fight through it and live to the fullest of my ablity?" It's an everyday struggle sometimes. Knowing you are not alone helps, and that's why I constantly remind people that they are not alone.

    I once took Risperdal, which is also an anti-psychotic if I remeber correctly. I was pretty much a zombie while on it. Taking Prozac on a regular basis helps me, and then I have Lorazepam for when I feel like I am going to panic… for the last few weeks that has been a recurring theme… I want to beat it, to get through it.

    It sounds like your doctor isn't really engaging in you… you might try to find another one. You need someone who will at least listen to you, and it's very important to get on and off meds slowly and note any side effects!

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