I have suffered from Obsessional thoughts since late 1978 when I was 17 coming up 18. I wasn't diagnosed until I went into Hospital in 1988.
Since then I have been on Anafranil and for the last few years Seroxat.
After a while I was given Behaviour Therapy where I had to write down my thoughts in a book for about an 1 hour a day.
I have been doing this for over 7 or 8 years. I would have periods without the thoughts and then periods with the thoughts
However last February my job finished and a few days later my father died. I then applied for over 100 jobs without any luck and in March/April my thoughts came back.
As I wanted to clear them up for good and there was a waiting list on the NHS, I was able to self fund at the Priory.
When I went there they told me that what I had been doing was no good and was just maintaining my thoughts and they would give me therapy that would help sort me out and would probably take over a year and would take 20 – 30 sessions.
Also as I needed a job I tried to set up my own business and they advised me against it.
However I thought I could get better a lot quicker and ignored the advice from them about my own business.
Therefore 11 months in the business is falling apart we are on the verge of bankruptcy and my thoughts are sometimes worse than ever and other times I feel like I might actually get better.
Also to make things more fun I have 12 year old triplets and 2 of them are Autistic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to get a job back in IT but I am in the catch22 position where I need to get better so that I can do well in interviews and then get a job which will halp me get better.
However I get stressed about the interviews which makes my thoughts worse, which means I don't perform in the interview, which means I doin't get the job whichmens I get more anxious which means the thoughts get worse which means that…………………………………………and so on and so on.
They have recently put my dose up from 50mg to 60mgs and for the first few days I felt a lot better, however after 2 weeks I now feel worse.
I have been told that it takes up to 5 weeks for the increased dosage to work and whilst you are waiting for it to work you go up and down like a yo-yo.
I have been up and down so much in this last year that I am worried that the elastic is stretching and won't be able to pull me back up.
As the world seems to be a stinking rottern mess sometimes I feel what is the point of getting better if sometime in the future some other negative life event comes along and boots you down again.
I don't really mean this. I have a wife and 3 beautiful kids who rely on me and I need to get better tomorrow.