Hi everyone!

My name is Kathryn. I have OCD and am so glad to have found this site.

I suffered through my OCD in silence for many years. I had violent thoughts about hurting the people/creatures that I love. I had thoughts about them being hurt, both physically and emotionally.

I was afraid to tell anyone about these thoughts. I thought they would think of me as a lunatic. I finally opened up to my mom about them. She listened and was very supportive. This was when I was a junior in high school.

I started driving when I was a senior in high school. Along with starting to drive came my fear that I hit someone. I'd turn the car around to make sure I didn't hit anyone several times.

This fear has stayed with me since then. The most recent example occurred in January, and I still think about it so often that it feels like I'm in prison and I'm both the prisoner and prison guard. One Tuesday night, I wanted to find a Starbucks after my winter-session math class ended for the evening, so I decided to eave school. I got lost-very lost. In fact, I think I went in the total opposite direction of the Starbucks I wanted to find. During that time, I turned my car around to make sure I didn't hit anyone several times. I got home safely that night and found my way back.

I didn't think about it again until I read the weekend paper obituaries. I read the obituary of a guy who died on the same day I tried to find this Starbucks and he died in the same area I was in on that night. He died in the area where I realized I was lost and turned around to go home. I worried (and still worry) that I hit the guy with my car, but there was no damage to my car, and I have checked out the news channels to see if the authorities were looking for anyone involved in a hit-and-run in that area. They weren't (and aren't). Again, there was no damage to my car, I checked all of my local news stations' websites, and I remember playing my radio loudly, but I think I'd know if I hit someone. I think the news stations would be talking about it if it happened.

I just think about this all the time and it's like I'm in my own prison. I'm just so relieved to have found a place where I can write about this and people understand. I'm tired of being the prisoner and prison guard. Just writing about it makes me feel so much better. Thanks for reading, and I can't wait to get to know you!

7 Comments
  1. meggers 12 years ago

     welcome to the tribe!

    i do the driving thing too sometimes. you aren't alone in that… 

    |
    0 kudos
  2. ancientgeekcrone 12 years ago

    That's correct, just writing makes you feel better, so by all means write and write you heart out.  Your life depends on it.  It is good therapy.

    |
    0 kudos
  3. kathrynaldrich 12 years ago

     Thanks everyone! Knowing that I'm not alone makes me feel so much better!

    |
    0 kudos
  4. Ashling 12 years ago

    Welcome ^_^ I have the harm obsessions as well, and you're certainly not the only one here with difficulties driving. Hope you find the site helpful.  

    |
    0 kudos
  5. quinn 12 years ago

    I dont think you hit the guy with your car. You be surprised how many times someone is driveing their car and some accident happens and has nothing to do with you..You say he was hit in the same area you were in , Was he hit on one of the street you were on, if not dont worry about it.. Far as ocd , violent thoughts and being a prisoner of ones mind i will never understand. Ive have or had an girl friend like that but never really could understand what she goes through on a day to day basis..

    |
    0 kudos
  6. gatorsjaguars 12 years ago

    I can definitely relate.  One of my OCD issue is driving.  I kept thinking that I will run over someone.  I have to circle around to see that I didn't hit anyone.  After checking, I'm still not satisfied.  I'm still thinking that it happened.  It sucks

    |
    0 kudos
  7. Joyelle 12 years ago

     I can definatly relate to your story

    |
    0 kudos

Leave a reply

© 2021 WebTribes Inc. | find your tribe

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account