Yet another day of anxiety and worry ( bout what day will bring) I know I have to go to work again tomorrow so tha is probably the cause of it today and the thought of being away from home for 12 hours just seems way too long for me to deal with.

But I have to keep going, because I am going to beat this and be as normal again as I can be,,,, That is all I want is to be normal,,

I went today and got the new meds they are putting me on celexa ( i have been on it before and seemed to help a little but I have to keep taking it) thats my main thing i get to feeling better then quit takin the meds cause i think to myself i dont need them,,,,But as I ask myself every morning a load of quetions then I answer them on paper,,the 3 things I need to do to get better are 1) take my meds 2) continue counseling and 3) keep my mind busy and I will eventually get better….

The days are colder and no sunshine which does not help at all with depression, so I have been watching Christmas movies to bring some joy into my days. May seem little to some but to me I need to escape and get away from the thoughts.

Telling myself I am having a good day and nothing os going to happen and I will be ok,,is what I do everyday I wake up and yes I still have negative thoughts and feelings, but I try my best to push them aside and not think too much on how I physically feel or what I think.

I have had to recently get my oldest son into counseling because he just doe not want to go to school, says he cant be around all the people,, so now we are trying to get him into the Homebound program they have and that way he can still graduate and get his diploma,,he is only a junior and I worry about him alot because he is so secluding himself from everybody not just us his family but al his friends and everyone he used to have a good time with.

But yet I keep going and I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE IN TO THIS!!!