And another one of my weekly excursions into society.
I'm actually very happy with how this one went, especially since after last week's meeting I was thinking I'd have a hard time making it to the end of the semester. Thankfully that was just me being overly pessimistic.
So, this meeting. I did take some Xanax, and I did feel much more at ease. I've started to judge these things over whether I can leave my chair or not. Usually anxiety keeps me glued there, and I just sit alone and don't talk to anyone, I can't even do something as simple as get up to move to the back of the classroom when we watch videos. But when I have my anxiety under control, even though I do feel those same doubts holding me back, I can push them aside relatively easily and am able to get up and do whatever.
This time I was able to get up and join a group around a computer, though I didn't speak to anyone. I was able to put out my suggestion for a video to watch. And I was able to get up and move to the back of the class, and actually sat next to the girl who I am sort of befriending. And when said girl asked if she could borrow a DVD I brought in I happily handed it over. And I was spoken to a few other times, and was able to respond okay.
All of these things are very, very small, but they are very significant to me. I need to train myself to be able to do them when I'm not on medication. But I haven't been able to at all so far, and all I can think of to do is just try harder. So that's what I'll do.