Hi Everybody,
I just wanted to say hello. I am very glad I found this online forum. I am looking forward to making friends and helping others as well as getting some feedback for my situation.
I know it is common for people to not always know what triggers anxiety, I know exactly what does it for me. I would like your opinion:
When something is upsetting my Mom, she gets very mean and down, and every small thing in her life is over-done with emphasis. Right now she is scared because she is a breast cancer survivor and she has a checkup in a few weeks because last time she had a scan they spotted some dots on her lungs. I don\'t blame her for being scared, HOWEVER….
She leaves me voicemails that sound hysterical and she won\'t tell me what is wrong. I call her back and my heart is pounding and I feel dizzy from anxiety. It turns out she just had some minor annoyances that day. Then the rest of the conversation she refuses discuss anything positive. I understand that she is scared, but these phone calls upset my stomach and I feel sick and scared the rest of the day. When we first found out she had cancer 10 years ago all the bad news came over the phone, and when she calls I am always afraid it is bad news. Her attitude and conversations with her are putting me in a high state of anxiety. I have told her this, and she basically says her feelings are more important than mine. I want to be there for her, but my anxiety level is too high.
What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Thanks in advance!
No I dont believe that your being unreasonable. I think she is using you as a way out, somebody to lean on. Its unfair that she acts like your feelings arent important. Its understandable that you want to be there for your mom, but you need to tell her again and again until she listens what she is doing to you. If I were you I would tell her straight out if you cant think about my feelings I wont think about yours and dont call her back. Its a give in take situation to be there for someone, but in return they should be understanding and be there for you too.
Sorry to hear this is happening to you!