I haven't been on in awhile because I've been doing pretty well. I lost my job almost 6 months ago. But was still pretty upbeat. I've never not had a job and didn't think it would be a problem to get another one. But, almost 6 months later and I still haven't found anything that will pay my bills. I did recently start a job that is straight commision, but so far no luck. I've exhausted my savings and in another month will be flat broke. This month will be the first month I won't have paid my mortgage because the little bit of money I have left has to go towards my other monthly bills that I'll need. Like electric and food. Still, with all of this, I've been upbeat and not felt depressed. Then, tonight, it was like I was slammed with it. All the feelings of depression and fear came crashing in on me. What am I going to do? How will I survive? More than that, how will I provide for my children? For the first time, I've not been able to buy them anything for school. This year their mother had to buy their things. Not that this is a bad thing, but tonight I just started feeling useless. If I lose my house, then my kids lose their first home. They live with their mother, but we share custody and they are with me as much or more than with her. I don't want them to lose anything. They have always been sort of spoiled, because I could. And I'm not talking about feeling bad if I can't spoil them anymore. That they will understand. But if I can't support them, what kind of father does that make me??? I've got to make a sale soon. Very soon.

1 Comment
  1. xillah 11 years ago


    Sorry things are hitting you so hard right now. I've been having problems finding suitable employment after finishing school. I can't imagine how scary it all is when you've got kids and a mortgage. All I can offer is this: No matter what the situation is, never give into that sudden slam of panic and depression. It can be so crippling if you don't constantly keep talking yourself out of those negative thoughts. Keep telling yourself things will get better–even when it feels like B.S. It's not a fix-all, of course, but once you start believing that little voice that tells you how worthless you are, it's that much harder to keep functioning. At least, that's how it is for me. Hang on to that upbeat attitude for dear life. You're a good father no matter what your economic situation. You supported them once. You will again.


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