I feel so overwhelmed. I just wish I could talk to my therapist 24/7. She is the only person that helps me clear up my thoughts and calm down and believe in myself for an hour. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm behind in all my schoolwork. I haven't been attending my lacrosse practices. I wonder if I'm ment to be in college at all. I almost just want to go to that in-patient hospital my therapist said would be a last resort. Why can't I just go now? I'm so overwhelmed by my OCD thoughts. I'm getting depressed again. I feel hopeless and alone, no matter how much my boyfriend tries to console me. The fact that I would almost rather go to an in-patient hospital than stay here with him surprises me. I don't want to leave him but I feel I can't handle it. My mom said I would never go to one of those places though. I don't know why she had such a strong negative reaction to it when I mentioned it. I thought she wanted me to get better. But whatever, apparently it's a last resort, and I'm not at that point yet. How much worse can it get then? I feel like I'm starting to spiral downward again. I don't want to end up lost and scared and confused like I was beck in the spring. I thought these meds were supposed to be helping…Anyways, my OCD is interfering with my ability to catch up in my college schoolwork. It takes so much time from my day, forcing me to do things in a certain way, in a certain order. It just makes me more depressed because I know I can't catch up, or stay caught up, on my schoolwork with that going on all the time. I caught up about two weeks ago, and within two days was spiraling downward again. I thought a reduced course load was supposed to help. So why does it feel like I'm in as deep of a hole as ever? Why do I feel like I have too much to do, when I have less than I normally would? And I'm freaking out about my list. My OCD makes me have this list that basically rules my life – the fun things I do, what I wear, etc. It keeps getting messed up because I'm so behind in everything. I know it sounds dumb that this bothers me so much, but I haven't made any progress on my list of fun activities and the molnth is almost over (the list gets remade every month). I have only woken up on time maybe 3 times this month. This throws my whole day off and I can't follow my list or stay up to date on my work. I've only gotten dressed in my listed outfit maybe once in the past two weeks. It's ridiculous. I can't do anything right. I never finish my list. I'm a terrible girlfriend. I'm going to fail out of my already pathetic courseload at school. I have no time for any socialization. All I need is someone to talk to and understand, and help me. I just need some help. Some real help for once.