Simple question. At what point do you decide you should go the hospital?

Here I sit, in complete darkness in my bedroom; had my daughter make dinner for the kids because I cannot. My wife took our youngest out of the house because I'm somewhat manic (no not physical, no worries there). Called my Dr and he feels as though Luvox is "revving me up" and making me borderline manic; or so he infered. Regardless, he was asking me questions like "Do you feel safe?"…. I wish I weren't such a logical thinker;then I would not overanalyze why he asked me that. Yes, I feel safe. Would I tell him the truth even if I didn't? I lied to the kids for years about Santa Claus, if I can lie to them, I can surely lie to the Dr about my deepest darkest thoughts.

Would I kill myself…… No.. I don't think so… Do I wish I were dead…… Different question altogether. Should I get myself to the hospital as a result? I'm asking you guys. Currently, I do not trust my thoughts. Apparently, Luvox is making me batty. I get this feeling that I'm correct about something and then I emphatically defend my position, to the point of a shitstorm of my ranting… I go on run-on sentences that last for weeks, then when my wife interrupts me, I yell at her for not letting me finish. My thought process is fragmented, but it always is. Oddly enough, now….. while I sit in complete darkness, with the kids in the dining room alone, and my wife out of the house trying to decide whether she wants to continue being married to me or not….. Now, I sit here, with no thoughts going through my head. Now, everything is calm. Is that the Ativan or is that my accepting that I need more help…. I can't be sure….. I'm terribly sad, yet calm. Theres 3 percent of me that is laughing at the irony of that. Maybe I should turn the lights off and curl up on the floor more frequently; apparently it provides a level of clarity when mixed with lonliness and anger.

So, the million dollar question I pose to you is…… When do you go to the hospital? I no longer trust my own emotions and thoughts and need some advice from folks that have gone through it.

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

3 Comments
  1. anxiousinohio 11 years ago

    Yes, go talk to someone. Call your therapist tomorrow and find out what he/she thinks or just go to the hospital tonight if things get too bad.  You don't have to live like this. You deserve better and I know there is the right combo of meds to help you.

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  2. morella 11 years ago

    I can’t tell you whether or not you should go to the hospital.  Only you can know that.  I can tell you what I did in hope that it will be helpful.

    My OCD was through the roof, so I went into a day program at a mental hospital for two weeks.  They started me on Luvox.  Then I went back to work, doing ok, Luvox increasing…then I had a terrible paradoxical reaction to the Luvox, and my OCD was still all over the place.

    I finally reached a point where I was having trouble functioning and honestly felt like I could not work.  I realized that I needed a team of people working together to make me well, not all independent of each other.  And I needed more help than I would get from one therapy hour per week.  I also needed my medication changed and closely modified so I could get the right combination for me.

    I made an appointment for an assessment at a different (and much more reputable) mental health hospital.  They admitted me to a 6-week day program (M-F, and I went home in the afternoon).  This didn’t solve my OCD, but it took me from rock bottom crisis mode all the way back to working full days.

    Feeling like you need to go is relative.  It is ultimately your choice, and whether or not you go inpatient or outpatient is your choice.  Based on my experience, almost everybody could benefit from it, mental illness or not.

    For what it’s worth, most of those types of centers will accept walk-ins 24 hours per day.

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  3. RainbowSprinkles 11 years ago

     If you feel like your current therapy/meds aren't helping and you are falling deeper and deeper into your ocd, it may be time to consider a hospital stay.  Only you know how you feel though.  I never went to the hospital, but when my ocd was horribly bad and I wasn't working on my therapy homework or improving, my doctor suggested an in-patient facility.  I really didn't want to have to do that, so I kicked it into gear and cracked down on my therapy homework.  So I don't have any hospital experience, but maybe this might help you somehow.

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