Hey so I guess I should introduce myself… I’m Giorgia and I’m 14. I suffer from Generalised anxiety and social anxiety. I also suffer from trichotillomania (a hair pulling disorder) and have a deep self hatred.
Currently, I am seeing a psychologist, who is using the CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) technique and am wearing gloves and headbands to bed. I feel like I should be getting better but I’m not. I feel alone, music is my only escape and my self harm may go from just hair pulling to cutting as well.
I hate myself, everything about me. No matter what people say, I have always thought myself as fat and ugly. As a useless idiot even when I get good grades. I have an amazing younger brother and yet because I’m so sucked into my only world of internal pain, I’m shutting him out. I can never forgive myself when I shut my family and friends out… big I can’t express my feelings.
Music is my only escape… it makes me feel better about myself and yet my parents have tried banning me from dome music such as my chemical romance even though they are an important band in my life and have saved me on countless occasions.
My two closest friends know about this but I still feel alone. I feel like I shouldn’t have this i feel that im a freak. I hate letting down everyone around me.
I have slso tried a no hair pull bracelet: for everybody day I don’t pull an extra bead.. it’s unfortunately only short term. And I have Curley hair. Everyone wants to straighten my hair so what do I do if people want to straighten them? How do I respond with out anyone getting suspicious of my behaviour?
this is my life and its ups and downs mentally…
I personally can relate to feelings of guilt because of shutting my family out. with depression I feel like keeping them away will help them because they won’t have to deal with my problems but it actually hurts us both because we aren’t able to freely portray our emotions. Things have become really bad these days that they can be referred to as “Critical times hard to deal with” So your anxiety can be justified so don’t worry. Anxiety can be both good and bad. Good anxiety can move you to accomplish things. So maybe try readjusting your anxiety, and make it work for you instead of against you. I hope i was able to offer a tiny tad bit of help.
Thanks- I’ll try to do that- I’m pretty worried about GCSEs next year like I had mid term exams and I tore so much hairvand had panic attacks I have no idea how I’m going to cope with GCSEs
I’m so sorry that you’re suffering. It’s great that you’ve found music to be helpful…that means you still care enough about yourself to want to feel relief, release, and something to connect to. Why are your parents threatening to cut you off from MCR? I know you don’t feel like you can express how you’re feeling but do they know you have depression/anxiety? If so are you comfortable telling them how music helps you?
How old is your brother? If he’s quite a bit younger, maybe you can cuddle with him for awhile when he goes to bed a couple times a week? That way you stay close to each other without having to talk or do anything that stresses you out.
Thanks- yeah they no about what’s going on and I’ve tried so many times to explain to them how music helps me- they have been threatening to cut off MCR cause they read about the tabloid incident- they’ve basically tried blaming them for this even though I had this for four years at least (I discovered mcr a lot more recently)
My brothers 11 but he lives to hug- I’ll dobthat more because I really don’t want him to feel shut out by me