Whew! Where to start. Hi, my name is Asiah. New to this whole thing called “becoming an adult” and having no clue what I am doing. I struggle mentally with a few things including depression and OCD.

I feel as if I am living through and endless cycle every single day. Repeat after repeat. I am absolutely terrified of change. Too scared to live and too scared to die. Being 20 years old is just around the corner for me, and while I know it’s okay to not have everything planned out and aligned, I truly have no fucking idea what I am doing. Or what to do. Or how to find help on becoming an adult. I know it’s a trial and error process, but I am scared. Too scared to quit my jobs. To move and feel free. To feel anything, really. I feel hopeless and cannot seek any form of validation within my community. That I am alone and it’s just me. I know nobody is there to hold me hand through this process, but I wish there was somebody there to tell me it will be okay and even just give me a little kick into this so-called adulthood. I am scared of life and have retorted to the fact that I would do anything to avoid living scared and painfully, if you know what I mean. I feel surrounded within my 15 minutes everyday online in this community, but in absolute darkness and alone when facing reality. Life is scary. Life hurts. And life is hard. People have said that it will get better, but I honestly don’t even wanna wait and stick around for it to. It doesn’t seem worth it. New to blogging on her, and this is moreover a rant, but ya get the point. I am drowning and trying to make it through hour by hour. Life is excruciating especially when it feels like nobody is there to empathize or they overlook the situation.