still love him.

its almost been a year- nothing has changed. i still think of him each day, dream of him and how one day thigs might work out in some xrazy way. i doubt they ever will.

people assume im young & naive in my feelings and that i dont reli know what i want in life, or from life its self. they assume i dont know whtreli love is, that i have never felt it, experienced it. but then they dont think ive felt the grip of alcohol addiction, or experienced rape.  i have felt love. not the intoxicating fantasy love where you flooat about in a honeymoo bubbletill u realise the whole thing was as flimsy as a fairy liquid bubble.

No, ive felt the love were you dont mind picking up their wet towels, or rocking them to sleep when they cry. were you sit with them til they’ve eaten, or your happy to just lie in bed cuddling watching tv. you sit with them n listen to them writting songs, watch them at a gig practice.  n even though your heart flutters when you see them, there is a deeper feeling. one that sits comfortably in your cheast n stomach, a warm satisfying ball of strong emotional n physical effection thats still there even when you argue. a mature lasting love.

a love that you cant turn off. that makes you cry when your alone becasue you love someone so much but you cant hold them. kiss them. listen to them breath as you drift off to sleep. its a lonly solitary love that you have to hide. you darnt let annoy one but him know.

& he knows. he still loves me too. forever & always.

but right now we cant be together, we both know it. we cant hold each other, or kiss one another. just secretly let the other one know when we can.

but i know deep down he;s the man i want to spend my life with. really truly. it could happen.,,?

xxxxx