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Today was a ok day. I kept myself busy with work and listened to Metallica all day long. Metallica helps me get thru the day. Keeps me going! Broken, Beaten, Scarred is my theme song at the moment:

You rise you fall your down and you rise again

What don’t kill you makes you more strong

You rise you fall you´re down and you rise again

What don’t kill you made you more strong

Rise fall down rise again

What don’t kill you makes you more strong

Rise fall down rise again

What don’t kill you made you more strong

Through black days through black nights

Through pitch black insights 



While working  i got a text from my boyfriend telling me i shouldnt really think about the future right now. I started to worry that hes not serious about me. He doesnt want to have a future with me…what am i going to do with myself. I started to worry again. I grabbed my xanax and just blasted Metallica in my ears. Back to work, back to work. Conditioning myself to stop the madness that was brewing in my head.

I got through the rest of the day ok but now that im home he seems to distant. That worries me because he can get like this for time to time and i start to nose dive into the sea of racing thoughts. Sometimes i think may be i am better off without him because he can be so negative. Then he will tell me its ok, dont worry. Hmmmm makes me think if he needs to be on meds too. He said he was feeling a little depressed and he wants to see a doctor. i wonder if its due to all the fights with me. Are we hurting each other by staying together? I wish i had the answers. Life would be so much easier. Like that EASY button…i want one of those.

 

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