i can’t sleep. i’m up ripping cd’s into my computer for my ipod. i turned off the computer twice and layed down, but i just can’t fall asleep. i took a sleeping pill about an hour ago, but it’s not helping . i don’t have anything especially pressing running through my mind; i’m pretty calm right now (i guess the pill is working a tad)
i don’t think my meds are working correctly. i’m not depressed; not having thoughts of harming myself, but i’m very anxious and having other bad thoughts. last night my friend took me out to a popular bar that i’ve only been to on a slow week night. it was PACKED when we arrived. i was on the verge of a serious panic attack. my heart started pumping harder and faster. i felt over-whelmed and light headed. there’s a banister w/ a few steps to the bar area in this split-level establishment that i held on to for dear life as my friend talked me down. she saw that i was finally calming down, so she suggested we go to the bar and order some booze. by the time we got our drinks, i was doing much better. we found a little nook in the corner of the bar, and i proceeded to get severly intoxicated w/ the plethora of friends that just happened to show up. in the end, i had a wonderful time… laughed my ass off… but those first few minutes were a freaky realization that my meds are not working as i previously predicted. my last visit to the shrink, he doubled my dose of paxil. i know it takes awhile to get into my system; but i’ve had severe anxiety lately.
argh. i’m frustrated. it’s going on 1:30 am, and i’m thinking of taking a walk. it would be nice to get out and walk around while the streets are quiet. i live in burbank… there’s nothing to be afraid of. that sounds wonderful.
peace.
p.s…. the jingle thingie “hot pockets” is running in my head over and over. i don’t know where i picked it up… but it’s starting to get real old. it’s better that some other crap that plays on repeat in my brain… but “hot pockets?” come on, give me a break.