i can’t sleep.  i’m up ripping cd’s into my computer for my ipod.  i turned off the computer twice and layed down, but i just can’t fall asleep.  i took a sleeping pill about an hour ago, but it’s not helping .  i don’t have anything especially pressing running through my mind; i’m pretty calm right now (i guess the pill is working a tad)

i don’t think my meds are working correctly.  i’m not depressed; not having thoughts of harming myself, but i’m very anxious and having other bad thoughts.  last night my friend took me out to a popular bar that i’ve only been to on a slow week night.  it was PACKED when we arrived.  i was on the verge of a serious panic attack.  my heart started pumping harder and faster.  i felt over-whelmed and light headed.  there’s a banister w/ a few steps to the bar area in this split-level establishment that i held on to for dear life as my friend talked me down.  she saw that i was finally calming down, so she suggested we go to the bar and order some booze.  by the time we got our drinks, i was doing much better.  we found a little nook in the corner of the bar, and i proceeded to get severly intoxicated w/ the plethora of friends that just happened to show up.  in the end, i had a wonderful time… laughed my ass off… but those first few minutes were a freaky realization that my  meds are not working as i previously predicted.  my last visit to the shrink, he doubled my dose of  paxil.  i know it takes awhile to get into my system; but i’ve had severe anxiety lately.

argh.  i’m frustrated.  it’s going on 1:30 am, and i’m thinking of taking a walk.  it would be nice to get out and walk around while the streets are quiet.  i live in burbank… there’s nothing to be afraid of.  that sounds wonderful.

peace.

p.s…. the jingle thingie “hot pockets” is running in my head over and over. i don’t know where i picked it up… but it’s starting to get real old. it’s better that some other crap that plays on repeat in my brain… but “hot pockets?” come on, give me a break.

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