UGH! so here i am, still sick! they did not find anything in my colonoscopy or endoscopy.  They did find two small lesions in my gall bladder during one of my ultra sounds this past week.  I dont know if it means anything yet tho.  I am just trying to get through the days.  I was eating a little better for a few days but of course it all came crashing down today.  on friday i go to the hospital to do something called gastric emptying which is where they feed me some radioactive food and then watch how i digest it somehow.  i am starting to wonder if this is all in my head.  am i making myself sick? is it possible to make yourself this sick? i have lost 35 pounds.  my mom made me buy some new clothes because mine were literally falling off my body.  I only work two days a week babysitting because i am too sick to do anything else so i have no money 🙁  and of course my wisdom teeth choose now to act up and hurt my mouth.  i am seeing a new therapist on thursday.  a psychatrist.  i am having so much anxiety.  not about actually going-i have been in therapy since i was 6.  i am overwhelemed with the idea of telling the therapist everything they need to know about me.  how can you fill someone in on your entire life? i will forget things, run out of breath.  i wonder if my last two therapists could send their notes to this new one or something.  i just want to be better.  i just want to be healthy enough to go out on a date with my boyfriend.  he is still sticking by me, but i am trying to talk to him less about me feeling sick.  i want him to have fun with me, not always hear about how miserable i am.  my 17 year old sister is having her baby any day now.  my house is chaos, pure chaos.  heaven sounds so good to me right now.  an escape.  to be with my grandpa. to watch the world but not have to deal with it…

1 Comment
  1. buffster 14 years ago

    \\..had 2 real "no kiddding" lower abdominal surguries in the mid 90's & had to go thru a lot of the same tests u did hun..no carnival ride for sure..I am really pulling for u that ur radiative digestion thing works..am wondering if slight adjustments in ur diet might help i.e. tea *which is good for digestion & upset tummys* & a more simple easily assimilatable set of foodstuffs like fish & brown rice with black beans might help..an aunt of mine was having the same probs years ago & that helped..be strong kiddo..\\

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