Today i surfed and landed on this site. It has given me some kind of relief! I was diagnosed positive on 3rd Agust 2011. It is difficult to express in writting the shock i felt and iam still going through. Not that i had been so clean ( BTW iam straight) but i always used a condom. I went to Benjamin Franklin Hospital here in Berlin with some acute neck pain. I also had some temperature. The Drs ordered blood tests and they found some bacteria whose name i cant remember. They also suggested that i take an HIV test. At first i declined. One Dr took his time to explain to me that the kind of bacteria they had found only occurs in those with suppressed immunity. I accepted. It took three days ( i was hospitalised taking penicilin drips for the bacteria) before i was given the terrible news. My CD4 count wassaid to be 454 and the Viral load 133. I was told this was very good!!!!I believe i have not been properly handled since being given the news; one young Dr told me that i would immedeately start medication after one week, even the nurses who were adminstring the bacteria drip confirmed how i would have the HIV meds after a week. The week elapsed and there were no meds. Nobody told me what was happening! After 2 days i asked the nurses, they told me they were waiting for instructions fom the Drs. I gathered courage and asked one of the Drs, when she came in for a routine check. She told me they had decided that i first finish with the Bacteria drips before i start on hiv meds. I was discharged from the hospitaland given anappointment to see the hiv Dr on 22nd september. I did go for that appointment and there was nothing much apart from blood samples being taken and giving me another appointment for 5th October!! I have not been counseled by anybody leave alone a specialist. The internet has been my only fallback counselor.I have read a lot, but i remain scared, angry and disappointed with myself! Maybe iam only new to his thing but that is how matters are handled, i do not know. sorry for my diatribe.Iam just confused.