Hi, I have had a lot going on in my life latly, and just needed some place to get things out. I have been dealing with Depression and Anxiety sense the age of Sixteen, but here in the past months it has gotten so much worse. Its to the point where I don't even get out of bed for days on end. I've had to move into an assited living facility for the mentally ill, which I hate. They take all of your disability check and give you 66 dollars for the month. They take your med payments out of that money. They treat you like crap here, and you get no support, there is no possible way for me to move anywhere else, so i'm stuck here. You are not allowed to have a car, so i'm forced into selling my last sign of independent living….my car. I have no family life. My family hates me, and tells me on numerous occasions that they would rather have me dead, then have to deal with me anymore. I'm starting to think that they might be right. Sometimes I just want to end it all. I'm in a failing relationship. It is codependant and not healthy, and I realize that, but I can't break it off, because I won't find anyone else willing to date a loser like me. I'm supposed to be starting online school in the Spring but I don't know if I can handle that. I can't get any help. My meds are not working. But I have to lie to my therapist and doctor because the house I live in makes them fill out a report at the end of each session, and they read it when I get back, and give me hell for a bad report. I can't go to the hospital even though I feel I need to. I don't know where to turn or where to go. I have tried all types of therapy sense age sixteen and none of them have worked. I have tried all the meds there are out there, and none have worked. I have even tried that ect treatment, and that didn't work. I have been hospitalized over thirty times, and none of those have gotten me better. I don't know what to do. I can't get better, so maybe I should just end it.

1 Comment
  1. ancientgeekcrone 11 years ago

    Dear lost, What I am about to say may not be of much comfprt to you.  Here it goes: Depression and other mental illnesses hit the young often. This is because the mental and physical stress of a child's body exploding into an adolescent and later young adult body, puts some of the vunerable young under more stress than they can bear. Depression tends to run in families and the depression repels people who come in contact with it because it literally sucks all the energy out of whomever  is vulnerable and nearby. So all present feel tired irritable and drained. The most important thing about depression in to keep a diary and pur all your feeling into it, so they don't get stuck in the body. If you could learn to meditated and do simple stretching exercises, this would be helpful to, As would fresh air and imposed daily walks. Since you are hospitalized and feel as though you are in a hostile environment, I don't know how much to this you can accomplish on your own. I do think you need to keep blogging on this site for support of those who respond to you. This is a terrible illness to deal with alone.

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