hello everyone,

i dont know where to start, im from peru, I find out i was positive 2 years ago.

My physical healt is great, no need for meds yet.

my mental health is another story, i hope i dont bored you with a little backround info but i feel its necesary.

my first depression was when i was 6 years old, i have lived with that ever since its a mix between anxaity depression and schizoid personality disorder. 6 years ago i was diagnosed with melanoma(i was living in australia at that point by myself) so i went through that alone, after that i didnt process it very well and went through a phase of working too much and doing drugs (pills and pot mostly). I moved to argentina to change careers and start studying pshycology and at some point i felt there was someting wrong whit me again, so i went to de doc thinking it was the melanoma that could reapeared but i found out i tested positive. i went trough a phase of anxaity atacks and depression and with help of my therapyst i end up moving back home to peru, to be with my family and friends.

for the first months it was great i felt happy and sorrounded by people who love me. i started a new buisness (something i regret every now and then).

but life in peru for hiv positive people isnt that easy, ive been to a few horrifing doctors, support groups are crazy bad. people arent well educated about the subject so dating is at least for me a lost cause at the moment.

so im on pills for sleeping,and for depression, cause i wanna kill my self. i have lost all perseption of what i want or im capable of. i dont see a future for myself.

i hope i can find something here, cause im running out of options.

thanks for reading at my rumbling, and sorry for the spelling.

saludos,

R

4 Comments
  1. whitelake 8 years ago

     hi dear even though you"ve found out about the personality disorders, depression and other in my country you hardly hear about those things.whenever i have a meeting or alot to do i get these feeling i think its anxaity.i learn to be calm and breathe then im okay again,i learn so much about my body after being tested.i can tell my doctor more about me than he can tell me.its not the end of the world be strong and we the tribe family do love you.be strong.

     

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  2. reabu 8 years ago

     thank you

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  3. foreverlost1 8 years ago

     i am sorry to hear of your misfortune and i know it can't be easy (being a social outcast around my area for my pos status) i found out about a year or 2 ago i was 21 or 22 at the time and it's never easy.only thing i can say is keep moving only thing there really is to do,death isen't the way out and theres always so many reasons for living.Hang in there and god bless

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  4. reabu 8 years ago

    Thank you foreverlost, my pills are kicking in again so I feel better. But this process of trying to be positive about life it's draining.
    I wish you the best, ant thanks for the support

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