So I managed to get to class today, only to do about an hour to an hour and a half worth of work and throughout that hour while everyone was getting into their practicals and mixing chemicals I was sat there writting something out for the third time. Oh, and I was right, the teacher did ask me why I was always so late. I felt like I was going to cry, haha how silly was that? xD I was like "Well I have OCD so I can never stop washing my hands and then I miss the train…." and his face changed SO dramatically and some girl called Sian overheard over conversation so it's fun now being officially the craziest person in the college. Absolutly amazing.
Now my teacher won't stop watching me when I do my work either. He kept looking over my shoulder and it made me panic and he was watching as I refused to touch the table, oh man everyone must think I'm crazy, just so crazy! I hated it when I was on the train too because I was so late, I kept thinking something bad will happen because I'm late, late, late, late and I don't know anymore. I've got work for another Science teacher to do but that includes doing things in groups of three so I don't know how to explain to him that I literally can't do it. Maybe he already knows, I mean teachers talk don't they? Talk, talk, talk, talk and like to gossip about the crazy people in their lesson. I'm just surprised he didn't actually say to me something like "Well stop washing your hands," or "You need to see someone," he just looked really shocked but I don't know, maybe he understands but I doubt I'll have anyone to talk to in real life about it. I'll just be the college crazy mental student that has to put all her thoughts into a blog on the internet.
On another note my hands are seriously dry today. Like horribly dry. I can't stretch them properly and they're really red and is it crazy I've been considering wearing plastic gloves wherever I go or bleaching my hands?
Jeez I'm thinking of bleaching my hands…. How mental xD
Sorry for this rant guys, I just wanted to let something off just to people that will understand xD I'm really glad there's other people here, even though I feel so young and so silly because there are people in their forties that are dealing with this rather peacfully and then there's me making a great big deal about it xD Sorry I'm ranting! I'll stop now x
First of all, please don't feel silly about how you're feeling. You may think all of us "older" people are dealing with this peacefully, but were you to spend a day with me, you'd be rather surprised, lol! I was a mess earlier today because I couldn't even get myself to the grocery store! But let's get back to you.
I know that you said before that you have only told one other person about your OCD. I'm assuming it wasn't your teacher. So I think, with how you've been stressing about getting to class on time, it might have been a good thing to tell him. He was probably surprised to hear it and didn't know quite how to respond. The fact that he stood near you might have been his way of showing support.
I know it's hard. I know you're upset about this student overhearing and wondering what everyone thinks of you. Unfortunately, there are jerks everywhere. But there are some decent people out there, too. Who is this other person you told about your OCD? And don't forget, there's a bunch of us here you can always talk to, too.
Easier said than done, I know, but try not to worry too much about what happenned today. What's done is done. Try to think some more on going to see someone about your OCD. I can only say again that while it's one of the hardest things to do, it will be the best thing for you.
Take care.
No, no, you are fine. Talk all you want and don't be ashamed for it. That's what this is here for. And I feel for you – I really do, because I've been there. Many of us have. We feel like the odd one. You are not alone!
Please don't bleach your hands – that would be horrible for them! And you don't know what kind of reaction you will have. Likely – very likely that they are red b/c they are over dry from washing them. What I used to do, and do on occasion in the winter is to put Vaseline – regular old Vaseline all over my hands – coat the webbed part in between your fingers and put gloves or socks – I used socks. Wear the socks overnight with the Vaseline. It really helps heal them. One night will help. 3 and your hands will be back to normal. But PLEASE do not put bleach on them – that would be horrible. Your skin needs an amount of moisture that soaps and repeated water/air strip it of. Bleach would destroy them pretty much.
About the rest…it is likely your OCD that makes you think the instructors are talking about you – most likely they are not. In fact most of the time people are so wrapped up in their own personal dramas that they don't take near as much notice of us as we think. Try not to worry about that so much – if possible.
I just reread what you wrote – gosh I can so relate. School is so frustrating for me too – and many of us I think. But I do want to mention that if you are in the US (haven’t checked where you live yet) you may be able to document your OCD with the school and get special accommodations. I did that and it helped a lot sometimes – got extended test time mostly. Anyway, worth looking into – you will need a doctor's note and will have to take it to whatever dept. handles that stuff at your school. School is stressful enough for us with OCD – might as well try to do anything we can to help us get through it.