I live with my mom, and I've had major compulsions from OCD for a little over a year now.  And she has just never been supportive of me, and it really hurts.

Last year, back when I was doing really bad, and I had no idea that what I was doing had a name to it, she just kept yelling at me to pull myself out of it.  I remember there was one time where I was out somewhere, and this older woman touched my face in a totally benign way but in a way that made my mind think that my face was now contaminated.  So I went home and, crying, ran into the bathroom to begin my decontamination rituals which I knew would last about 5-7 hours.  I kept yelling, "I don't want to do this!  I don't want to do this!".  My mom's only response was, "Then don't!".  She just shook her head at me without any type of sympathy.

Well, I am doing a lot better now with my compulsions than I was back then, I'm happy to say.  I ended up reading a book on how to do exposure therapy, and I followed it, and I'm about 90% better with rituals.  I used to spend on average 10-12 hours a day doing rituals, and now I do about 3 hours.  Do you think my mother would be happy?  Do you think she'd say something like, "Great job, Amber"?  No.  She's never told me anything like that.  All she can do is complain about the rituals that are still remaining.  I've tried to tell her how far I've come and how great that is, but her response is, "But you're still doing such-and-such, and you're still washing your hands more often than most people."

She honestly expects me to just WILL myself to not have OCD at all anymore.  She won't be satisfied until I have no symptoms whatsoever.  Isn't that just unrealistic?  From what I've read about OCD, even if you get your compulsions under control, the obsessive thoughts will pretty much always be there, you just have to learn to deal with them and not let them mushroom into compulsions, and that's pretty much the best you can do.  I'm under the impression that OCD is not something that can be cured, just managed; correct me if I'm wrong.

When she says these things, she just makes me want to give up trying because it'll just never be enough for her.  She makes me want to just stop fighting the OCD.  But thankfully, I'm not that type of person who gives up even if they have no support.  So I won't give up.  But man, I have enough to contend with inside my own mind, I don't need external contentions too!  I cannot WAIT to move out.  I'm trying SO HARD.

2 Comments
  1. rainingoctober 12 years ago

    You've come to the right place for support. We are like a little support group here… if you ever need to talk, there's always someone willing and it's a plus because they can actually relate and  understand what you are going through. I'm sorry that you have no support from your mom. Too bad she won't read literature or even visit with docs to learn about it… what you have done, cutting down your ritual time, is amazing! I'd say it requires celebration for sure =)

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  2. ILoveIceCream 12 years ago

    WOW. It was so impressive to read about you. You are amazing. Thanks for sharing the name of that book that you like. I'm so sorry about all of your difficulties and not receiving any support from your mom. That would be so difficult. Sounds like you are doing so good, it is inspiring to me to read about all of your progress. I can relate to many of the OCD problems that you shared. As far as I know you are correct: "I'm under the impression that OCD is not something that can be cured, just managed; correct me if I'm wrong." – I've read some stuff about how by managing your OCD you can actually sort of "re-wire" your brain, hopefully eliminating some obsessions by never giving heed to them. So yeah, I'd agee that you can't cure OCD, but you can learn to live with it and manage it, and by managing it, I believe it should hopefully diminish some. Well, thanks for sharing your blog. Good luck with everything. -Russ

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