I'm still having trouble with my knee and ankle.  Usually at night the pain would settle down and I could sleep unless I had to turn over but last night it was giving me fits.  I guess it's from all the walking I had to do monday when I went to the doctor but today I can't walk on it at all without a severe pain.  The pressure from when I stand and now the other knee is hurting from limping, I just can't win.  I decided I want to go to the ER to see if they can do something, anything and I'm the kind who stays away from doctors and ER's unless I absolutely have to but you know what?  No one has the time or able to take me.  I'd  have to drive myself and would have to walk in instead of getting a wheelchair.

I'm so sick of doing for everyone else and when I need something they don't have the time!  I know I didn't raise my kids to be this way I didn't and  you know they are so good to their friends they will go to them in a drop of a hat but me, not.  Oh and they can't find another babysitter so I had to babysit today too…I did the best I could but the kids did without a lot.  Dana was even home all day and what does she do?  Has her friend Brad come over because some other friend of hers came and gave them both a massage….must be nice but didn't even bother to tell me someone was coming over.  I'm embarassed by the mess in this place but looking around none of it is mine, all my stuff is in my room there are toys and crap of Dana's just laying around all over.

One nice thing my son was over yesterday and after seeing how bad I was hurting he made dinner for us and even brought me a plate so I wouldn't have to get up…..I didn't ask him today to take me to the hospital but if he was here I know he would, I went with him.  He lives about 40 minutes from here so I hate to ask him to come down and waste his gas but if he turns up here tomorrow I'll ask.

A lady from the psyh clinic I go to was supposed to come by and leave some paperwork for me she is trying to get section 8 set up for me so I can find a place of my own which is great but I have no car so how I'm I going to do anything? Guess what?  She didn't show up.  I must not be worth much for people and family to treat me this way….I feel worthless already and so very alone.  Oh well I guess I'll figure out something…


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