So it's a little known fact amongst the family that my grandfather and I have been getting close for the past year or so. We used to never really talk unless it was over the holidays and stuff like that. But for a while now, our relationship had grown more like a father daughter relationship. Which is awesome because I don't have a father… But here lately…. Our views on everything are just clashing. My grandfather is quite old and was born about sixty years ago and so the views he holds, you can only imagine, are way different than mine. And normally it wouldn't matter but here lately….. We just keep arguing about it. And I'm really trying to hold my views in and simply not talk about them but its as if he wants me to get upset because he deliberately brings up the subjects that I just can't talk about. Subjects like religion, sexuality, and race are the main topics I just can not talk about because I get to emotional about them. I can't handle it. And yet those are the only topics he ever wants to talk about… And last night we got into it about god and the bible and who really even cares? He was questioning my belief. Which just p*ssed me off. I mean, he tells me all the time that I need to respect my elders, but what if they don't even respect you? What do you do then?! I told him several times I didnt want to talk about that subject and he just would not shut the h*ll up! And then when we hung up last night I said I love you and he just scoffs and says yeah right. Then hung up… IM NOT THE ONE BEING A**H*LE HERE! I can still love someone even if their views are not my own. I don't care. Its not that deep for me!
And so at five, like every night, I picked up the phone and dialed his number so that we could talk. Mind you I do this every freaking night. And I tried this at five and at five fifteen… Both times it rung for a minute and six seconds before hanging up. No voice mail. No nothing. Only leading me to believe he is deliberately avoiding me.
Which is okay I guess… I knew this would happen eventually. I mean, it always does. Every body important leaves me eventually. When they are with me they are always like oh I'll never leave you. You are too important to me. I will always love you. You are the most beautiful, intelligent girl that I have ever met. There is nothing in this world that can separate me from you. But in the end, they all end up doing the same. They all end up leaving. Whether its gradual or sudden, it all hurts the same. It makes no difference because it all leave a hole within my soul that can never be fixed or replaced. No one stays long. You'd think I would be used to it by now….
I'm just going to end there. I could go on but I can't really see anything right now… My eyes choose to water up right now and fog my vision even more. Its whatever. Thanks for reading.