I seem to have lost the ability to find happiness anywhere. I wake up every day and wish I hadn't. Between the OCD and depression, I just can't seem to get over the wall. Today is the dreaded "bathroom cleaning day". Yep, you guessed it – I spend hours cleaning in the bathroom. I have, Thank God, gotten my shower, which is a whole other OCD ritual. It's hot and sticky here and my husband will be leaving to go do good works at church in about an hour. I should get started on the bathroom now, but somehow it is easier when he leaves. Maybe I just force myself to do it once he's gone. I'm the only family my son has that he has anything to do with and he would miss me if I weren't around. He's 42 years old and an only child. His father died of alcoholism about 6 years ago. I come from a big family, but David has no desire to be in communication with them. They have always pretty much treated me and him like second-class citizens so he just refuses to have anything to do with them. I know all the stuff I should be grateful for, and I am. I can take care of myself physically and we aren't poor. I have a husband who loves me as much as anyone can. My son is healthy and doing okay on his own. I don't understand why I can't get out of this terrible fog I've found myself in and enjoy life. I try – I really do. My medication doesn't seem to help anymore. Nothing seems to help anymore. I feel selfish for being this way, but as much and as hard as I try, I can't change it. Maybe some comfort food? A little ice cream might go a long way about now. I'll regret it later, but I need a "quick fix".  Maybe just a pep talk would help.