I seem to have lost the ability to find happiness anywhere. I wake up every day and wish I hadn't. Between the OCD and depression, I just can't seem to get over the wall. Today is the dreaded "bathroom cleaning day". Yep, you guessed it – I spend hours cleaning in the bathroom. I have, Thank God, gotten my shower, which is a whole other OCD ritual. It's hot and sticky here and my husband will be leaving to go do good works at church in about an hour. I should get started on the bathroom now, but somehow it is easier when he leaves. Maybe I just force myself to do it once he's gone. I'm the only family my son has that he has anything to do with and he would miss me if I weren't around. He's 42 years old and an only child. His father died of alcoholism about 6 years ago. I come from a big family, but David has no desire to be in communication with them. They have always pretty much treated me and him like second-class citizens so he just refuses to have anything to do with them. I know all the stuff I should be grateful for, and I am. I can take care of myself physically and we aren't poor. I have a husband who loves me as much as anyone can. My son is healthy and doing okay on his own. I don't understand why I can't get out of this terrible fog I've found myself in and enjoy life. I try – I really do. My medication doesn't seem to help anymore. Nothing seems to help anymore. I feel selfish for being this way, but as much and as hard as I try, I can't change it. Maybe some comfort food? A little ice cream might go a long way about now. I'll regret it later, but I need a "quick fix".  Maybe just a pep talk would help.

2 Comments
  1. chez 8 years ago

    I know how you feel it's hard waking up in the morning and having to face a day of obsessions complusions and depression but some how we manage to get through each day can your doctor not change your medication if you feel it no longer works maybe worth trying. 

     

    I have no doubt you are greatful for what you have we all are but it doesn't stop us from feeling the way we do i hope you somehow start to feel better soon i know it's not that simply but i hope anyway and enjoy you'r icecream lol

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  2. WildGlitterFairy 8 years ago

     How about Ice Cream and a pep talk ? I too know the all too familiar feeling your having right now and I am in the midst of bobbing in and out of it myself. I feel selfish because it takes from my family even though they are wonderfully ( well most of them ) supportive and are there for me. I often find a good cup of tea and a book to get lost in helps me for a bit….I used to cut but I am trying my hardest to never go back to that. Your stronger than you believe and your understood here … If you ever need to talk please don't hesitate to PM me here on the site and thanks for making ME feel a little less weird today ….I see myself in you.

    God Bless ,

    Erin

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