So…I've been racking my brain for awhile now, this time though it's about two people, which is adding to my stress, which has made my disorders more intense, and I ended up cutting my thighs again to try and just release some of the madness.

Before I get into that though, I'd just like to thank everyone for the comments on my other blog entries, alot of it is true and makes sense…it's just hard to believe, (like someone actually caring…or when I get compliments or that i'm a 'strong' person…)

But thanks…

Alright, Back to the other situation currently on my fucked up mind. It has to do with Ali and Griffon….

First Ali, Yes- I'm still mourning over her and beating myself up over it, Because I know it's probably my freaky-ness that drove her away.

But I wanted to say i'm almost done with that letter I was talking about writing to her, So that maybe I can get some sort of closure…Though I won't know if she'll actually read it or not…

But, When I am done with it, Before I send it i'll share it with the tribe, and tell me what you think of it…

Alright, Onto the next person, Griffon. Like I said in my last blog entry when I talked about him, It's complicated and it's so frustrating and un-needed stress…

So…I was wondering if I should try to confront him about it, and ask for the truth-

Is he just another person who wants to hurt me, laugh at me, pick at my scars until they bleed and abuse my weakness? Or is he actually someone I can 'trust' though, I can't trust alot of people or things because I have trust issues…

Of course when I say 'confront' him, I mean send him an e-mail or something, Because i'm to much of a weakling to actually ask him face-to-face.

What if he laughs at me? Or something worse? I always over think these situations and it adds to everything plus my anxiety and makes everything worse, physically and mentally.

What do you think I should do? I'm so tired of having one battle after another, I'm tired…Can't I just have a break for once? Or die and try to have a break forever, but I know that won't happen.

Sorry, I'm complaining, So i'm going to shut up now, and I'll see how the rest of the day goes today,

I'm still having those symptoms so I might go see a doctor about it soon as well…

Well, I hope everyone else will have a good day…talk to you later..


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