I dreamt of heaven right before hell. I fell from the sky the moment my wings began to wither, and slowly, I was spiralling. This world of mine is frozen. The air is thick. I am losing my breath, the ground is swallowing me whole. I am in a dark pit, my fears and my weaknesses clawing into me. There is no sound. No light. No familiarity. Breathing faster, my heart is racing. I am alive in this realm of dead. I am dead in the realm of my living mind.
Cue reality. I wake up, breathless. Tears are stinging my face. I am 16,000 thousand miles away from home. I am alone.
Cue realization. I can't run because I am trapped. My mind is playing tricks on me. I am suffering in the prison of myself. I know this, but my human heart finds it easier to accept the harder and easier truth from the bitter one.
Cue panic. I reach for my phone as the only means of communication and realize i have no one to call. No one to listen. I need an outlet from these dreams. I need an outlet from my disastrous mind, from the pity party.
Cue the viscious cycle. The cynical joke of human life. I am so selfish, so disguisting. Harvesting my sorrow and drowning it in. The cynical joke of how I choose to live, like an ordinary flower in a world full of paradise. I am just the perciever of all that I see, but I create illusions. I become selfish. Everything is mine, down to what I have lost. I dwell in the old photograph I have with me, burried deep in my pocket of the times I used to laugh. I'm dreaming when I'm awake. I'm dying when I'm asleep. I've forgotten when to live.

1 Comment
  1. revealed65 9 years ago

    Age is wisdom. We grow only to understand more and more of each passing moment. Thank you for your comment. I'm still learning, and while the journey has been difficult- I appreciate every ordeal, every conflict with the hope I can grow even more from it. As they say, you don't really understand happiness, truly, without suffering.

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