So…yeah, impulsivity…definitely something I need to work on.[br][br]
So my iPod has more room on it than the computer, and I’d run out of hard drive space, so my dad bought me an external one and I went and copied all my music onto this drive.  It took an hour, it’s 14,000 files.[br][br]
So then…after checking everything, and just thinking surely I’ve done everything right? I go and delete all the files off the computer.[br][br]
And then it hits me:[br][br]
(can you guess??)[br][br]
Sure, I saved all the songs, but what about all the edited info for each file, info that would only be stored in iTunes, such as what playlist they’re all part of, etc.  What about the HOURS I stayed up well into the night updating file names to make sure of accuracy??  What about that day when I spent the whole evening organising all my world music files into smart playlists according to which country they came from!?[br][br]
Clearly, I didn’t think all this through properly before I started.  I mean…oh goodness.  So the point is, I’ve got all these thoughts rushing through my head.  Like, my typical instant response is something along the lines of wanting to blame myself for being so stupid, for doing ‘it’ again (‘it’ meaning any number of things I do because of my crazy brain), then feeling angry, furious, desperate, like the world has ended.[br][br]
And I just wanted to report that I haven’t given in to any of that.  I’m taking on board advice from the DBT workbook I was looking at earlier, and yes…there’s no point in getting angry about this because that would be like fighting the past, and there’s no use because what’s done is done.  Now…what am I going to do with it?  I figure…well, there is a setting in iTunes that lets you put new music onto your iPod without changing what’s already on there, so for now I don’t have to worry about this playlist thing.  That was my immediate panic – omg how can I sync any new music on this thing without ruining everything!? – but really, it’s just not true, I’m good, I’ve got time to sort out this playlist problem.  The other thought I had was that I’ve still got the text file of the library, and it does list all my playlists.  Anyone know if I can use that somehow as like a snapshot for iTunes to refer to, or do I really have to edit the info for ALL these files again?  Well anyway.  I’ve got time.[br][br]
I’m astounded at how calm I am about this.  And yes, there is the impulse to stay up all night fixing the problem NOW, using my iPod as a reference, but seriously it’s already almost midnight and this is going to take weeks.  It’s going to take another 45 minutes just to get the files to go onto iTunes again, let alone organising all their tag info again, etc.  Crazy.  And I’m already seeing spots.  You know when you can see the bacteria floating on your eyes?  I’m really seeing a lot of that right now, these little bugs drifting.  I remember when I was a kid I couldn’t figure out what that stuff was, and I was amazed at how they travelled across my eye every time I blinked, not realising it was from the movement of my eye.  Like, I think I must have been seeing things, rather than seeing something ON my eye.  Funny when you think of how you actually had to learn these things at some point.[br][br]
I am totally off-topic.  Well, I need to kill some time.  I’d like at least to get these files copied back in so I can shut off the computer before bed and save electricity.  Omg why am I listening to The Fixx right now?  They’re too emotional for me at this moment.  iTunes is stalling my internet too, I’m writing this blog in Word because I can’t log into anything online.  Maybe I should go watch TV for a while….[br][br]WHY DOES THIS STUFF ALWAYS HAPPEN WHEN I WANT TO GO TO BED!?[br][br]
Wait wait wait wait…I just had the most BRILLIANT idea…I’m going to…just check my playlists anyway and see if anything’s in them.  It’s desperate, I know, but it’s my only hope.[br][br]

O M G[br][br]EVERYTHING’S FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I don’t understand how or why, but omg I LOVE YOU ITUNES!!!  Oh thank goodness!!!  Okay, all that over nothing.  And I’m here typing this in Word and thinking, do I really need to bother posting this as a blog?[br][br]But yes.  I’m going to post it because I am SO PROUD of myself for not sinking into an oblivion of depression and wanting to die and ruminating about ways to do so.  Any other time and I’m pretty sure I would have just collapsed inside and that would have been it.  I just…feel so committed to this workbook and like yes, things are going to change, I’m going to make them change, I can do this.  I can cope.  And really…this little episode has served to prove that sometimes there’s no need to be upset about something at all anyway, because actually things will be just fine in the end.[br][br]Really, it’s been a whole day of these episodes, because I began the day in eager anticipation of the post because I was awaiting the delivery of the new Enigma album.  Then the post came and it wasn’t there and I started sinking, only to learn later on that it had arrived yesterday (I was out all evening) and George had it upstairs.  And my earlier blog today, I was hitting ‘submit’ and the internet just shut down.  I felt so angry about it, and I went and rewrote it lamely, posted it, and then got a message from Buffster letting me know my blog (I used the same title) had posted twice.  I was like, what?  And when I checked it turned out my first one had submitted after all!  So really…it’s impulsive fury, getting that worked up about something before I’ve even worked out the facts of the situation yet.[br][br]There’s no need to get so angry.  And quite often, things have a way of turning out to be just fine, even when you least expect them to.  That is the moral of today.  That’s what all the ‘signs’ have been leading me to realise.[br][br]
If I ever start to forget this simple truth, please remind me of this iTunes incident.  It might seem trivial, but it’s significant for me.


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