Feeling kinda bad about not comminghere as much lately..but its not just here either, its myspace and facebook too..just seems to take up sooo much time to send someone a decent response and picture…but its not just that either, in regards to here any ways..i do tend to draw into myselff too much at times, I yearn or someone to talk with and maybe be with but i shut everyone out. kina wierd..that and I think sometimes i just like to live my life like I don\'t have HIV.. i take my pills and orget about it. I don\';t date anymore..not really sure morally iof i could s;eep with anyone even witha  con dom..even though i know the odds are miniscule, especially when your undetectable..but even still..it\'s be pretty hard to hide it rom someone..i mean all the pills every day..every day.

So i don\'t even date. i keep to myself, i ahve my kids on the weekend and my cat and dog but really miss the closeness and companionship off a woman and think that the only woman that could truly understand and be open minded about my situation is someone that was positive..yet i can\'t iond anyone..even though i know thers probably more than a ew in my city..but were probably all the same, just quite about it and withdrawn, afrad to really tell anyone because oof the stigma..work issues..being almost shunned etc etc..maybe better to just be a hermit? lol

AQnyways just wanted to say that i do apprecialte the comments and notes from my friends and once i shake of this anxiety i\'ll be back! ..pretty worried about my ffinances of late..and my cd count..it shot up to 280 rom 150 initially but over the last two tests its decreased by 20 everytime..the doc says he\'s not worried and that my percentage is ok but i am worried, about that and my  drub benifits running out in about a month..i have to apply for the Trilium oundation but i have about 6 years o taxes to do ffirst!….alot of stress this shit, like i said sometimes i tend to withdraw and pretend i don\'t have this but iff i dont get on the ball i might get very sick very quick

Thats stressfull..only time im really not is at work..think i like it because it keeps my mind of things , feel like im normal, cept never talking about the woman at home like everyone else does.