but I need a space to vent.

I\'m not sure exactly what I\'m venting, because I\'m very confused right now. I don\'t know if this is anything to do with anxiety, but my emotions are concerning me – I was so happy and alive today, then I got pulled away from the happy situation and many various factors have now left me feel almost abanodoned and upset and a little bit crushed.

I\'m really struggling to find work for the summer & i\'m in constant fear that everyone is judging me because I haven\'t got a job. And I think that I distract myself from the feelings of fear & have a good time – only to return to them much much worse later on. It\'s something I have no control over though – everyday I apply for jobs, and because the work sphere in my town is so so terrible unemployment is at a high in the UK for young people & I honestly don\'t see if I\'ll get a job in the next 3 months. It makes me feel like a failure – I\'ve come home and I feel like everything I work for at uni doesn\'t matter now, because if I don\'t get a job whats the point?!

But I know I worked so so hard at uni!

It\'s like I\'ve got that crying feeling, you know when you just need to let it all go? I might watch a really sad film and just see what happens….. I\'m so bored of myself & I dunno if this is to do with anxiety or whether its in my control and I\'m just being a nightmare

More and more often I feel like I wanna go back to my doctor and get help. I\'ve been really good on my own for 2 years, ………. but there\'s just some days you want someone to give you a hand and tell you that none of this is in your control and whats happening is not your fault. Yet, when it comes from within you…. how can you not think that your doing something wrong?

I\'m sorry for all the down rants I\'ve been posting, I really never see myself as this kind of broken person – yet I am, and I\'ve dealt with it till now

I just hope I don\'t lose myself this summer, with nothing to focus on theres only my own flaws staring me in the face.