So, my anxiety and OCD has been getting significantly worse. I’ve been really stressed lately, and stress always makes my OCD act up, but it’s just been ridiculous lately. My pets have been having health problems, which is tearing me up. One died about 3 months ago, I had to get one put to sleep last week, I may have to get another put to sleep because he is sick and medicine isn’t helping, and one is dying of cancer. =[
For some reason, at night after I take my meds is usually when the day catches up with me. Whatever kind of day I’ve had, determines my night. So if my dad was stressful, my night is stressful. The dosage of 2 out of my 3 nightly meds has been doubled, because it’s just not working. And lately, my "scenes" have been more public. Like, before, I would just sit in my room and deal with the fear and anxiety, and no one knew. Now, I actually get up, and most nights I make me mom turn on her light and stay awake until I fall asleep. It’s so embarrassing, and I feel like such a child, but I seriously can’t fall asleep otherwise. I just get so afraid and so caught up in my delusions (Like, I’ll think that someone is trying to break in, or that someone is trying to kill me). Lately I’ve been afraid of something else, too. I’ve been having these delusions at night where I totally convince myself that certain pets of mine are dying from a horrible disease. The other night I actually took one out of his cage, moved him somewhere else in the house, and then medicated a group of my pets for the disease I thought they had. The next day I was just like "what the hell did I do?", and had to do damage control. Thank God I just gave them antibiotics and not something that could have hurt them.
I also suffer from Bipolar and PTSD, so some of my delusions/hallucinations stem from that, but alot of it is stress caused from the OCD, and when things in my life aren’t going "normal".
I feel completely alone, and just plain embarrassed, about my behavior. I feel like such a child, because I’m so helpless at night and just get so scared of everything…
I don’t have much else to say other than my heart goes out to you… I hope the best for you and I’m sorry that you’re suffering so much.
here as a friend at any time
*hug*
I hope you will be able to overcome this. I can’t imagine what it is like to feel this way. Please, talk to those who can help.
When your obsessive thoughts get a hold of you, could you find a pleasant comforting though down, and write it down over and over until you feel relief or are exhausted and fall asleep. If you can sustitute a thought and keep it by writing it,you will be sustituting a comforting thought for a begative thought. If you keep writing it down, it will help you keep this thought over the obsessive one. This is not as easy as it sounds. You may have many false starts, but if you become successful with substituting a comforting thought for a negative one, it should give you relief. In the meantime see your therapist take your meds and see if you can get mom to return all the clothes you bought when you were in the throes of the obsession. You may even get to the point where you can return them yourself. Good luck to you, I wish you well. When you get obsessive thought about the well being of the animals,again substitue a comforting thought and follow the same procedure. I wish you well.