I never thought I would do this, but there didn't seem to be anywhere else and i'm pent up without an outlet.  I don't have severe OCD, but it still impacts my every day life, my every action and worst of all, my every interaction.   

I was diagnosed with OCD about 1.5 years ago.  I kind of always knew it but kept convincing myself otherwise, denying it – explaining my differences away.  The thing is, I didn't have the "popular" ocd things, the things you read about or saw in comedic display in a movie or tv show.  Mine are more subtle and wide ranging and changing.  By the time i would catch on that i was obsessing over something, it would kind of morph into something else. 

There was the plastic fork phase in middle school; high school when i stopped eating in public and so many others.  College is when it really became obvious.  When i was away from my family and usual surroundings for the 1st time, cleaning and organization became the only thing that made sense.  my new friends thought it was funny – seeing me crawl around on my hands & knees picking up lint from the throw rug, ironing my pajamas and sheets – the college used my dorm room for tour groups.  it kind of became my identity.  that was fine freshman year as i lucked out & ended up by myself in a double room.  but sophmore year, i had roommates, unfortunately, some were not too friendly and thought that making me freakout was funny.  at that time, i had issues with orientation… everything has to be positioned just right, at least just right in my head.  they would turn things around, just slightly – just to watch me twitch. 

i thought i was going crazy.  it was so unnatural.  but life went on, i stifled every "itch" i had in public and kept it from everyone.  year after year has gone by like this, its like i'm holding my breathe and just moments away from blacking out.  once i was diagnosed, it at least was a cliched weight off my shoulders.  it cleared things up, gave reason to my irrationality.  at least there was a reason to the madness.

then i started to realize how trivialized ocd has become.  its a reality series, a popular cable show, every day people use it in conversation.  the other day a co-worked said something like, "yeah, i'm like so ocd sometimes, i have to lock my car door twice when i get in the car."   it kind of pisses me off.  

i digress.  i'm not sure where this went or why i'm even writing.  i guess i just figured that people here might know of what i speak.  "friends" (i use that term loosely) have no idea, they think its like Monk or like that wonderful show on A&E where in 12 weeks you're cured.  i started therapy 16 months ago and only now have we really started working on exposures. granted there's lots of other things going on compounding the ocd stuff.  but i get my 45 minutes a week, we start the exposure, i get pretty amped up, then times up, we stop, she tries to calm me down.  i fib a bit so as not to make her next patient have to wait, and tell her i'm in normal range, and i walk out, walk down the hallway, make a right turn out of view and kiel over to get my breath. 

where's my 12 weeks to the pot of gold?  where's my circle of understanding friends?  when can i move on to a life without strings?  i didn't set out to whine, i'm just frustrated with progress.

4 Comments
  1. smh2010 11 years ago

    Hey  welcome to the tribe.  I'm newer here as well.  I joined a bit ago but didn't start to get active until recently.  As far as belonging here, you definetly do.  I have found the people here to be extremely supportive and the advice to be really sound.  It may seem funny explaining yourself to strangers, but trust me after a while you won't feel like that.  As much as family and friends try, they can't relate to OCD.  That's why i find is so nice to have this outlet.  Feeling understood to me has been half the battle.  I'm happy to hear your in therapy, and I think any improvement means a great deal.  I also know exactly what you mean about sudden cures, as far as i'm concerned they don't exist.  I've been dealing with this off and on for 20 years, and the obsessions change and twist at their will.  However, you can manage OCD to the point you feel almost symptomless, I hope you find this.  Anyway, drop me a line if you ever need to talk.  Good luck with your sessions.

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  2. hancey 11 years ago

    Welcome here.  I have been involved with the TV stuff and can back you up here.  It isn't as they portray on television.  You will find real people here, with real life stories to tell, and real help.  This site isn't TV, but life isn't TV either.  This is much more accurate and helpful.  I hope you find it so also.

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  3. raider916 11 years ago

     Welcome to the tribe. You belong just fine. If OCD impacts your life everyday, then  that is the most "popular" and common OCD trait there is. The television shows you talk about are bringing attention to OCD (good or bad), but they don't have the ability to make people who don't have it feel like someone who does have it. I hope you find the same support and comfort here at the tribe that many of us others have found. Good luck with the therapy, hope it starts paying dividends for you.

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  4. lorilotus 11 years ago

    I understand you completely.I hate when people say they have ocd and don't .When people make fun of it they are just ignorant jerks.You are not alone.Every time you fight it its a victory.Also,talking about it is freeing.I have had it since i was at least 14 i am now 38,i did not no what t was for a long time.It is hard being all alone with it and hiding it.I wish you the best!

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