Last week was largely good. I started working again and I think I'll like my new job. It was nerve wracking meeting new people. But I feel that I did a good job. I had the weekend off and really wanted to go do something with someone but to no avail. Everyone is either sick, busy or broke. I believe that's true but my brain keeps telling me they're lying and they just don't want to hang out with me. That i've done something wrong to piss everyone off. I don't think that's true at all. but my brain keeps telling me that.
So that's put me in a bad mood. I finally want to hang out and now there's no one around. And maybe I've isolated myself so much I've alienated potential friends. I want to be the social butterfly I used to be, not sit around and be lonely and miserable. I get jealous of people with a lot of friends. I used to have a lot of friends. But then I moved to NYC and then to L.A. and now my friends are scattered. I don't have a lot of friends out here yet. I feel like I should be out networking and partying, but money is an issue and so is alchohol. How do you go out and have fun without either spending money or drinking? If someone can tell me how, I'd love to. Even a dinner party at someone's house or hanging out, might be free but always involves alcohol with people I know.
Then my roomate is on my ass about me running the heat. We don't have heat in our building and I am cold. So I run my space heater every now and then. She's complaining about the cost. I told her I'd pay more of the bill if its expensive next month. It's like, Jesus, leave me alone. I am FREEZING. I want to run my heater. Leave me BE. of course, I don't know how I am going to afford to pay the bill, but I guess I'll deal with it, when the time comes. I can't go around freezing all the time. So then I started crying because I want to be warm, and of course I can't afford that either. CAn't afford my car, my rent, insurance,heat anything. Why should I be surprised?
I'm so tired of being broke. I can't stand it. I just got a new job so that will help. I just have to hang in there a little longer.