I've been awake almost all night worrying and feeling sick and shakey about a couple of things. Firstly, my boyfriend isn't really talking to me at the minute… I'll text and get nothing back yet he'll be posting all over Facebook & be going out getting drunk. I'm not exactly a possessive girlfriend I just text him to see how he is and things and for some reason, out of the blue, he's not speaking to me. This happened a while back and it lead to us falling out so I'm worried it happens again… But I have a really important weekend to deal with so I feel like just ignoring him back and seeing if he eventually speaks to me – which I think, if he's unhappy with us and a break up is on the cards he'll have to speak to me eventually :s lol Second thing that's kept me up all night, I'm going to Manchester today for my sisters hen do – its big and important and I'm mostly excited but my anxiety is going haywire. I'm nervous about the whole thing, I've never been before, I'm gonna be in a large group who I barely know an I'll be going out drinking in such a big strange place.. It's kind of a weird situation that my head doesn't like. If things change or I'm uncertain about how things are going to pan out I get extremely scared. Lastly, my anxiety itself is making me worry. I'm so so sick that's it back again and I'm worried that my worrying is setting it off and I'm worried because I can't keep it in control like before :s sounds silly I know, but in all honesty, right how, I feel like every aspect of my life is in a weird state of unbalance and uncertainty. I keep having small break downs and I feel out of control :/ I'm just hoping I can find some strength this weekend to get through everything an hopefully come out stronger. I wish my boyfriend didnt get to me this much either.

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