Living in the house that is over crowded with people only worried with themselves takes a toll on me. Because of money problems we have to live with my husband's grandmother. And because of marrital problems my father in law has moved in here too. His grandmother obviously doesn't want us here and it feels like his father has some sort of vendeta against me. I live with cinstant tension, I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. I'm scared to voice my feelings because I don't want to get kicked out, or get into an arguement. I don't want to fight with any one but it getting to the point where I feel like I may have to. Just the other day I yelled at his father. Being a grown man unwilling to aknowledgemy ever changing delicate condition. He thought the funniest thing he culd have done in that moment was to hold a knife up at me. I knew he wasn't going to hurt me but that logic didn't stop the "fight or flight" mode my body went into. All I could do was yell. My husband holding me back I yelled, told him he was a moron, in the middle of trying to catch my breathe from myself I let my animosity out. And he had the audasity to get upset with me for yelling at him. Yes I'm Going To Yell At YOU! Of course I am. What kind of person wouln't when you scared them to death for the purpose of a laugh? I was in tears pleading with my body to calm down so that I could aproach the situation logically and after a little while I could but by the my emotions got the best of me. I was crying, unconcolable, and tiredI want someone around me to understand, and he won't even try. After that all I needed wasan apology, but I didn't get one. My husband did, like I'm his favorite toy and his father is sorry for almost breaking me. Like I'm his possesion. It is a lot harder to forgive someone when they don't want your forgivnesss because it means nothing to the. I want the people around me to care, they don't have to understand I will carry the effects I just want them to care. And because that seems like it isn't going to happen.I want out. Out of this state of mind,out of this feeling, out of this house. I just want some peace.

1 Comment
  1. blindhawk 8 years ago

    I feel for you. That isnt a nice thing to do. What kind of an a hole scares someone with a knife?!?! Wait until he scares the wrong person who has a gun…lol… Oops fight or flight response…Ive realised in my own experience that if you do not tell people how you feel when things are bothering you strait away.. no mattter how uncomfortable it can be…it will come out later and ussually not in the most tactful manor….then its just a mess..take care

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