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I'm on my own and working on ways to make it not a completely miserable thing. I read a very very good article online on how to get past a breakup or even get back with the person and the first step obviously is being able to deal with the issues at hand, your own, your feelings, how weak you are.

Who'd want to date me or be my friend in this state? With me so sad and weak and everything. Of course no one would. So I must remember to be the person that my ex fell for, or even if not that, someone that someone else would fall for, a person people would want to be friends with, someone who's happy.

It's a big first step in that to just say "Okay I'm not ready" and honestly if my ex told me "I want you now" I'd probably tell her I need time, if I was feeling strong enough to, that strength must come within me.

So 5 things I want to work on:

1. My physical body (go to the dentist, stretch and work on posture to be taller, add a bit of weight, work on body hair and various little things here and there)

2. My mental conditioning (handle the depression, anxiety and find a good mental center)

3. Return to hobbies (DJing, cooking, find new things to do)

4. Get my obligations in order (pay bills, sign and mail forms, finish my classes, etc)

5. Do new things! (So far I want to learn to swim, go to new bars and places I feel totally uncomfortable and try things I've never tried before)

I'm still in a fragile state, I miss my ex terribly, I wish she'd talk to me, I admit it's a constant thought. But she wouldn't want an obsessed desperate guy, that's not the guy she met and fell for all those years ago, back then I was a 17 year old going into college with a wide range of interests who i could talk to her about all kinds of things. Now all I can seem to do is blather on about how much I miss her and wish she was here and wish I could hold her. Not attractive…

Onward and upward!

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