So my life is all about dissertations and assignments right now – lots and lots of work and no time at all to achieve everything (or so I imagine) I've been taking propanolol now for a few weeks twice a day.. And yeah I feel a bit calmer but Im getting very little sleep. My imagination is going double time. I'm writing now because I'm currently in my house alone trying to sleep.. I usually live with 3 others & there's usually guests with them so noises and sound is expected. However, I am left in this house on my own wayyy more than I would like and the other night by bf came to stay – that same day I had a total dissertation disaster where I was instructed to change my whole line of research… 5 months in – so as expected with all good anxiety disorders my brain was not best pleased with this information. Anyway, skip to the night, I'm fast asleep but I have this most horrific nightmare where I felt something was after me and I was screaming in the dream so loud but nobody was coming to help me, I was trapped in a room – I don't no whether I screamed in real life but I woke up and so did my bf. embarrassing. Since then though I feel very on edge, small things are building up to big things & it's making it hard for me to focus any energy on doing actual work instead of worrying about it. Im not sure whether I should see a doctor again or just assume it's a bad patch and carry on, if these tablets aren't working though, is there any point in them.. Or was it just traumatic events that I can't prevent feeling this way about. There's nothing you can do about dreams though is there & the worst part is having to remember them as if it were real. This fear is probably fairly deep seated because it brings back things that happened when I first got diagnosed and realised it was a serious issue I had. The dream brought up some past fears that I guess my mind is probably trying to deal with all over again. I find it hard sometimes to keep a grip on reality and define it against imagination – my imagination is so vivid and detailed. It's almost like I'm in the matrix, or inception, just wish I could be unplugged.

1 Comment
  1. birdiegirlblue 7 years ago

    You just described my sleep pattern to a \”t\”. The nightmares are so vivid, sometimes I can\'t tell if they are real or not. Apparently nightmares can be a side-effect of meds, which I believe, because I never used to have them as frequently as I do now. You\'re a grad student? Me too. Anxiety comes with the territory, for sure.

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