This is a letter to my second-cousin, K. I wish I could send it to her but there is no guarantee that she would ever receive it. Also, her being a some-what distant relative, I feel I may be over stepping my boundaries. So this letter to her is more to help me vent and hopefully feel better. As my psychiatrist said today, I need to focus on myself and my schooling. But as summer break comes to a close, I will spend a little more time trying to deal with all my cousin is going through.

Dear K,
I want you to know how much you are loved. You are loved by so many: your grandparents, your uncle and his family, your brother and the whole family. Your daughter is depending on you to make wise decisions and do the best for her. Honestly, I don’t feel Tyler is the best for either of you. He obviously doesn’t want you to talk with your grandparents, why else would he cut up your cell phone charger and change your social media passwords?

K, think of your mom. I know losing her at such a young age must have been hard but what would she do? Would she stay with a guy like Tyler and subject her daughter to his unstable behavior? Please think of your daughter. She is so precious to the whole family. We accept both of you and love both of you. I don’t care—as I’m sure the family doesn’t either—that you started your family a little early. Your daughter is a gift and so very precious. Please do what is best for her. I can understand that you think having Tyler in her life may be a good thing, but is it? Is he good for her? He has already proved that he doesn’t treat you with the respect you deserve.

Sweetie, I know you haven’ had the best life: not having the best father, losing your mom, and having to adjust your life without parents but you have grandparents that love you dearly and a family that would go to the moon and back for you. Why would S throw such a beautiful shower for you and your daughter? Why would all of us come if we didn’t love both you and your daughter? Think of all of us, your family, that were there. S even said that your daughter wasn’t a mistake and that we all should accept both of you.

I don’t know if you are religious but God loves you and your daughter more than you can understand. He wants the best for you both. Your daughter needs a stable environment to grow and thrive in.

I love you so much—as does the whole family—I want to be like a cousin to you—not thought of in technical terms as a second cousin. I’m sure S’s daughters and all of us in the “kid” generation would love to see you truly happy and see your daughter live a good life.

Please think of your grandparents. They love you so much and right now are so worried about you and your daughter. I’m sorry to have to say this, but you deserve better than Tyler and so does your daughter. If you are worried about your daughter growing up without a father figure, let her great-uncle, grandpa and your younger brother be the positive role models. Tyler has proved to be nothing but controlling, manipulative and no good for you or your daughter.

So please, K, please think of your little girl and lean on the family. If it were possible, I would ask you to come and live with me but alas, I am a little behind on growing up. But I believe all of us that are your family that share your genes and blood, would do what we could to make your life and your daughter’s life better.

All my love,
Erin