That's right, life's a bitch and then you die. I'm really not an angry person, but lately when everything seems to not be going your way it's hard to be optimistic. I have had everything given to me: Nice parents, loving boyfriend, a car, a job, school. But yet I somehow find a way to become a stressed out nervous wreck. It would make sense if I was low on money or out of a job to be stressed, but really everything, in essence, seems perfect. And that is the most frustrating part of the entire thing.
Lately I have been feeling like a lot of this anxiety is caused more biological and neurological then anything. I used to feel like with enough therapy, positive attitude, and determination that I could get through anything. Unfortunately, that's not the case. For 2 years I have been "pushing" myself to do things that are scary. And everyday, it does NOT get easier rgardless of what the therapists and friends tell you. Therefore, a positive mindset does nothing. I could be perfectly happy one second and then BAM panic.. I don't even have time to grasp what my emotions are, how I am feeling, why I started getting panicky or anything. Something is not connecting right in my brain…something is wrong.
I feel this to be true alsobecause when I was a child, I was afraid of everything. I would not swim, I would not ride rides, I would not even ride in a car with air bags because I could potentially be harmed. I had seperation anxiety with my mother whenever I went to daycare to the point of not eating in the mornings and taking kava so that I could calm down (This was at 9 years old). My aunt is also suffering with extreme agoraphobia.. she has not worked a job in 10 years, is on 32893423 medications, and refuses to be alone at any given time.To me, this seems like I was pre-dispositioned to have anxiety and panic attacks. 21 years later and 10 therapists later I have still not mastered or found out a way to healthily deal with my anxiety, even though i have done everything the therapists have said on a religious basis.
So i guess my question is, is there a way to find out if neurologically something is wrong with my brain? I look forward to the day when I find something wrong with it.. so that I can take medication or something to fix this problem once and for all.