There are studies suggesting that lonliness is bad for the health. They have guesses but dont know why yet it seems. Ok. Good to know. Know what to do about it.
The people I know now dont know me that well. Its not their fault. I am having trouble opening up after this last year or so. Though history would suggest that it wouldnt matter much if they did know me better. Even people who have known me well either couldnt tell when I was asking for help, support, etc… or didnt know what to do to help me.
For some reason my sleeping pills didnt work last night. I was up most of the night and then I woke early. That lead to a lot of time for thinking lol. If lonliness is bad for my health, and I am trying to get healthier…..what to do about it. If I can be lonely in spite of having people available….does it really matter if I work on staying connected or not?
Maybe I worry about this too much. Maybe I just dont know how to connect with people and would be happier if I quit trying and failing? Or maybe I am just unable at this time in my life? I have to say that mostly I just feel confused so I do not know lol.
Perhaps I have been going about dealing with this loneliness the wrong way. I had tried to reconsile with family and friends until it was painfully obvious they really didnt want to do that. I actually pushed a couple to flat out tell me that. Then I joined here and have been trying to connect with people and make friends but I have to fight myself so much to open up to people. All that does make it seem like I might be doing this the wrong way. Loneliness is a little easier to bare if I am distracted, busy, whatever you want to call it. Maybe for me, I am just too odd or not on the right wave length for most people. Perhaps dealing with loneliness by distraction is the key for me. I am inclined to believe this because more than half the time when I am asking for help people take what I am saying as a sign that I am doing well. I dont seem to know how to communicate what I need to others. Or what I am feeling.
Maybe this is one of those things where time will help heal and I just need to try to suffer through until time has had a chance to do its thing. Can't be worse than how things are now, right?