4 years ago, Taurie was just a cool girl i would talk to at work to pass the time. Over the first year or so working with we started a really close friendship, we saw eachother all the time and talk constantly. she was one of the coolest people ive ever spent time with. it seems every time she gets a new friend she stops talking me, ignoring my phone calls etc. then when they shit on her shes right back to needing me. This first started after told her how i feel about her, nothing romantic or anything. Just that i felt close to her and she means alot me, etc. now it takes alot for me to tell someone this (see below), it really means alot, its the only thing ive ever said from the heart. soon after she started being short with me, not returning my calls, always had an excuse to not hangout with me. well after afew times of this happening, her coming back into my life and then hurting me months later. shes back again, and i dont know what to do. i dont want to be hurt again, but she really does mean alot to me, and she has a great personality and presence when im with her. and its not like theres alot of people around anymore, maybe ive just shut too many people out.
Im a very trusting person, ill tell people about myself, pretty early. but it takes alot for me to open up and tell my real actual feelings to someone. Ive only ever opened up for 3 people. until recently all had rejected anything i said. and ditched me soon after. This latest one is different, when i told her how much she meant to me, she told me the same. i cant describe how good that feels, its something ive been waiting years for. Throughout my life ive been burnt soo many times, by friends, by family. ive built so many walls around me its hard to keep track of it all. and through all this, ive been able to meet this smart, funny, just amazing person that understands and accepts me. i dont know what i would do without her.
and yet, every word i say makes me nervous.