I purged again and all i did was drink water. but i can't handle anything in my stomah. i feel fat. even though i know i'm only 60 pounds (maybe lower at this point)

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everything is getting harder and harder to do. just to breathe and stay alive, it's the only thing i can do. I can't go places with friends (like they'd even invite me) i can't try to have a romantic realtionship (again like any guy would like me that way)

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i can't even walk my dogs anymore because i'm afriad to go outside. i tried to today. but the whole time i was looking everywhere making sure no one was around and trying to push down a panic attack.

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i didn't want to rush m dog spicegirl, she's older now, but as soon as she was done i bolted for the house.

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it's really pathetic it's gotten to that point. but it has.

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i'm not sure if i mentioned this in one of my posts but i was having a breakdown crying so I called kim, but she didn't pick up so i left a message. she called back but i missed it she sent a text saying she was at work but she could find somewhere to talk,

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i immeaditly folded into myself saying it was nothing improtant, i'm fine. she didn't believe me because she said "you wouldn't have called during work saying you needed someone to talk to"

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she offered to atleast text me, but i never responded. i didn't want to annoy her. but she hasn't tried to talk to me since that happened. Did i make her angry? should I reach out? does she even really care?

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I don't know what to do, i'm such a fuck up freakshow who doesn't deserve friends. i'm confused. my thoughts are foggy.

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i Just want to sleep and never wake up….that's all….