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Ok so I spoke to grandad through email, and said I'd be happy to see them, just after christmas and the new year, so I could avoid the big 'get to gether'  as I'm not fully ready for that kinda of thing yet, He said that was fine just let him know when Im ready, so for the past week or so I thought I had completely dodged the christmas bullet untill this morning, Got a huge long email from him. The first part of it being how the time spent apart was only 25% of my like and only 8% of his life (which is nothing apparently) the next being a whole bunch of memories, then the next 'suggestions' on when, where and how to catch up.

 
one thing that got me a little was this "If your  
mother is not down for Xmas day and you are on your own . 
You are welcome at our place we would pick you up and  
take you home."

Which I find out they didn't hire a spy (lmao) my dad and aunty checked up on my myspace and reporting things back to grandad which is still almost just as bad in my head. But back to what he said, Just cause mum wont be home for christmas does not mean im going to be alone, I do have other family ya know, which I already have plans with and he said so many times "take you home" that just pushed me over, like whether he means it the way it comes across to me or not still annoys me, like that is NOT my home like it used to be, I have a home, here where i am now, not at theirs.

Another thing that is actually getting me pretty upset is that none of them (that family) have the bloody decency to even ask how my mum is (mean it or not, i dont care) Like i can get very passionate about mum cause she has done EVERYTHING for me, she gave up alot for me, she has just done soooo much more than needed for me, god knows where I would be if she hadn't done some things that she did and they cant even have common respect for their grandchilds mother, If it weren't for her, I would not be their grandchild and if their son had never met my mum they wouldnt even have a grandchild from him, So correct me if im wrong, but they should be fucking greatfull my mum walked into their lives. I could pretty much hate some one for not respecting my mum, who ever you are!!! And mum just tells me to let it go because it doesnt bother her, she couldnt care any less, but I cant she is apart of me, and it it soo hard to let it go.

 

ahhh its only lunch time and Ive already cried to the point I cant cry any more lol  I just want to be 'free' for more than a few days, im sick of ups and downs, its been like this for months, and I know people on here have done it for years, but im still new to this rollercoaster game, when it gets really low I just dont know what to do, I dont know how to make myself feel better any more.

1 Comment
  1. catysuzgirl2000 12 years ago

    hi tara,even if u cant feel better ,theres no reason to make it worse– so do hope u'l hurt lesser n HEAL–peace, love n joy… 

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