Dear Tribe Family and Friends, i have been reading a lot of blogs lately about people letting people, places and things stand in their way of Recovery. When i had 12 years clean i had to make the hardest decision in my life. when i went to treatment in july of 1989 i went for all the wrong reasons. i went for my ex-wife, my kids, the judge, my lawyer, i went for everybody but myself. after getting clean and progressing mentally and spiritually in my Program i finally came to the end of the road. i had to get past the fact that i had fallen out of love with my ex, i truly did not want to leave my kids but it was causing me to have doubts in the 12 step process to keep me clean. i had finally found a God of my understanding. a loving, caring, faithful God that would help me walk through anything. it took a lot of prayer and meditation to make the choices i made back in 2001. i left my family and moved to another state and another radio station. it was either stay where i was, go back to using, continue to be miserable or do something about it.
i truly did not want to leave my kids like my dad did me back when i was 12 years old but it was a choice i had to make for myself. after seeking guidance from my sponsor, my Pastor and God i made the choice to move on with my life. i truly did not want to go back out and become the miserable piece of sh*t i was. so i did a geographical and moved on with my life. it turned out to be the best choice i could have ever made. sure i have gone through some major medical problems but in general i have become a stronger person for it.
the bottom line here is if there is something standing between you and your recovery process then you need to eliminate the problem. nobody has the right to live in your head rent free. it's up to you to decide what is the best move for you. now that i have a few years back to back including weekends and holidays i am still clean with a purpose in my life. to help the still suffering addict. if you want what i can offer you just ask. i am still a very sick person but recovery wise i am much better off. i have had 24 surgeries in 24 plus years of recovery. as i sit typing this i am getting over torn ACL surgery in my left knee, i still have 2 broken bones in my left foot. but my Recovery still comes first in my life. i can only offer you suggestions because i do not give advice. if you have questions ask me. if you want to continue to struggle with the demons you have been fighting for years then you are never going to get the true benefits of being 100% clean. it's your choice make it or not. remember that recovery is a journey not a destination and use the rest stops God provides along the way.
NA hugs and love,