I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who takes the time to stop by and leave positive comments or to email me. It has made all the difference in the world. I've written to some individuals, but will say to anyone who is reading that today is the first day in 3 months that I've had possession of my car keys and no one is home. I have full freedom to go cop and wouldn't do it if I was paid. I know I've made progress because the last time I was “free” I took every opportunity where I was alone to go cop and ended up on multiple day binges and not coming home. I'm sure many of you know the drill of loaning out your car to a dealer (and not knowing if you'll ever see it again) when you run out of dope money and area desperate. I actually had a car totaled 2 years ago by a guy I got high with that I sent out multiple times to go across town and cop. The last run he made he brought home a homeless friends of his and a prostitute. They were intent on smoking pot (I didn't even care that these people were in my house) and I was upset because I wanted “my crack”. I sent him back out being bitchy that he'd smoked what he was bringing on the way back and he never came back. He went on a binge with his two so called friends, got pulled over by the police later and when the cop walked up to his window he took off so fast they couldn't locate him at first. After that he ran and the homeless guy took my car on a high speed police chase that ended at 60mph with a tree. Of course he was high as hell and got out and ran and they never caught him. I had no recourse and only liability insurance so there went my $12,000 car that was paid off. The pull of addiction led me to be that stupid again within the past year, but NO MORE! I've had the most relaxing day with myself that I can remember. I went out and got some NY style pizza (I'm from there and can't stand Dominos, etc.) and brought it back to the house. I've been getting things done and haven't even considered going out and using. I'm not even craving or thinking about it. This is major progress for me, MAJOR! I've been in outpatient for awhile, but never really inspired and certainly didn't think it was humanly possible not to use again. Since joining Addiction Tribe I've received so much positivity and read stories similar to mine and it has made the isolation that drives me to do my drug of choice almost non-existent. The NA text has changed my life as well. I never believed a 12 step program could or would work, but I believe it is what I will accredit to saving my life in the long run. So thank you to everyone that has shared their positivity (and hardships) with me and helped me to this point. I've gained much personal strength and a new outlook.


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