This past week as some of you know, has not been the greatest for me..

If you read my blog you'll understand why.

And, because of all that happened last Sunday…. I haven't slept the greatest, have felt lower and my minds more messed up then it was before..

and I had images of it replaying in my mind more then i'd like it too.

Plus I wasn't eating as much because my stomach got upset.. not good.

My anxiety was extremely high and bothering me too! BLAH

I had like three anxiety attacks this week, mainly when i was driving and one at work. SO NOT FUN!

I hate them way more then the depression. ALthough trust me, as you know, they both SUCK!

I just can't wait till the day I"m better and back to me. I'm almost there or i felt closer then before. But after that it's like i took five steps back! ugh

I"m trying to stay positive and look forward to taht day when I'm back to "normal" but at the moment it's frustrating me.

I need to write this blog to vent my thoughts and feeligns. I find it very theraputic. Anyone who has any comments or advice I would greatly appreciate it.

I had to let that guy go this week, although he still kept bugging me. I have to block his number because even with defriending him he's still bothering me.

Also theres this other guy that some of you know about. He wasn't being very respectful to me either, he lied to me and was slightly changing nad all yes, but really it still bothers me and I can't trust him. Then he ignored me for a couple days. So im like good bye!

Now i have both of them being blocked. which is good so were not tempted to talk to each other or look one another up. but still things like that are hard for me.

I'm such a nice person, or I try my best to be. I hate changes, especially big ones, and it can take me awhile to move on from things/people especially.

I care too much. But yet i know in my heart its the right thing to do. FINALLY!

because they obviously don't care for me, love me or respect me like they should. and like i DESERVE!

I'm sick and tired of being walked all over and having my boundaries crossed because I don't set them up in permanant marker! It's liek they in pencil and can be easily erased or re drawn when thats not always good!

I need to stand up for myself and love myself enough to do wahts right even if it hurts.

because in time i know i'll benefit and be better in the long run. and i'll find guys who are worth my time, thoughts nad feeligns and won't hurt me.

Sigh

it's not an easy journey either, espeically when i've been like this for a few years now. But i want and need to make these major changes, if i really want to be better and happy and deal with part of my depression too!

tahnks for listening.

Love,

stacy